The Mother Mask

Everybody wears them.
To work, out with friends, at their place of worship, in the grocery store, at the doctor’s office, etc.

The masks of polite civilization.

The friendly stranger, wearing a slight, polite smile that also quietly says “I’m just passing through, trying to get my shopping/walking/lunch/whatever done, so leave me alone, thanks”.

The “I’m actually terrified what you’re going to tell me, but I’ll pretend like I can blow it off” patient at the Dr’s office.

The calm & friendly professional office worker, who has all the time in the world to help the customer at the desk/on the phone.

The mom, who looks as though she’s got it all under control, when really… she just wants to go to her room, crawl into bed, and stay there for a week, crying & sleeping through all of it.

We all wear them.

Some are tighter than others, and some slide naturally off our face at the end of the day, tossed onto the coat rack to be used again tomorrow.

And some, well, they only slip now and then, worn under all the others at all times for protection. To keep others from seeing the raw truth that lies beneath, and to keep us from having to explain- well- shit that has no real explanation.

No one gets to see the true face that lies beneath…

but sometimes, it slips, and you catch a glimpse.


Going Viral

I’ve been down with the flu for 3 days now. Vacillating between hot & cold, aches & chills. And the whole “regurgitating plumbing” issue.

It started on Sunday, completely ruining the “last weekend before school starts” plans I had for OnlySon & myself. Mother/son bonding time out the window. *sigh*

But, I’m lucky I have my EldestDaughter & OnlySon here. They’ve been helping out with all the little things I just can’t do. Taking care of the animals, running to the store, etc. 

Called in to work this morning, to let them know I’m still under the influence of the influenza… and the boss says “The flu doesn’t last that long”.  Uh…yeah, it does. Influenza lasts from 2 to 5 days for the obvious (puking, diarrhea) symptoms, & up to 3 weeks for the fatigue, cough, & sniffles to disappear.

“Are you sure it’s not appendicitis or something?”
Considering the fact that my appendix hasn’t exploded & killed me in the 3 days I’ve been puking…yeah, I’d say that’s a “No”.

Yesterday was the worst of it, I think.  So I’m going to assume I’m on the downside of the virus, & will be able to resume our regularly scheduled programming shortly.

In the meantime, I’m sipping fruity cocktails & lounging… (flavored water & in my jammies under a blanket).

Shock and Awe

Last Monday, YoungerDaughter turned 21.

Oof.  Right to the gut.

It’s definitely been harder to wrap my head around this fact than it was when EldestDaughter hit that milestone.  Why? *shrug*  No clue.

Well, maybe 1 or 2 clues.

EldestDaughter turned 21 just 3 days before giving birth to the Toddler Tornado.  There wasn’t any drunken bar crawl fanfare done, since she was hugely preggers on her actual birthday, & couldn’t drink for a long time afterward, due to nursing an infant & recovering from labor.  So, turning 21 for her was both happy & sad.  She got the best birthday present ever, but couldn’t hoist a frosty one in celebration.  Oh well…

YoungerDaughter,  on the other hand, has always been called “The Innocent One” by her friends & family alike.  She maintains a child – like wonder & awe that stuns people when they realize she has actually held on to her innocence, and prefers it that way, stubbornly.  She is very mature for her age, intellectually & logically, but she still states that she’d “rather be 6”.  She totally still enjoys her beloved things from her childhood, like tiaras, Pooh Bear anything & a passionate obsession with Sailor Moon.

I’ve been in awe of her for years, living in the times we do, she has solidly refused to become jaded.  She, somehow, has become a mature innocent.

A contradiction, that child… no, I have to say it.


So it’s difficult,  with all these contradictions, to reconcile her complete autonomy from me.

It’s definitely a shock to realize that I only have a handful of years left before I won’t have any actual children left in my brood.

They’ll all be grownups in a heartbeat.



Happy Birthday, Toodles. May your heart be ever-young.

The Ghost Dragon

I dreamt of the dragon last night.

Him who was, from the time long past.

Of what might have been, and what could have happened

I know now that it was nothing more than a fevered wish

There was never any truth to the dragon’s words

For they all washed away in the tide

Scattered on the sands of his island, secluded and safe

But there we walked, talked & laughed once.

In this wistful dreaming

He smiled at me and bid me stay

And then I knew it was no more than fancy

No more than fiction

Drafted from a simple haunting, and nothing more

Dragons don’t love.

They only dream of lightning.

But you cannot catch lightning if you won’t risk getting wet in the rain.

The morning light banished the dragon’s ghost

And I was left with the faint crackle of lightning in my fingertips as he fled.

Back Burner

Life has been complicated,  messy, & anxiety-ridden lately.

Umm… well, it’s always been that way, but it’s been that times about 5 for the last few weeks.

I’ve tacked back on some extra stress flab, & am trying really hard to correct that, watching what I eat, getting outside more to do yardwork, & contemplating working out. (Thinking about it really hard works brain cells, so why can’t it burn calories too? Something doesn’t seem quite right with that)

I just haven’t been much in the mood to write.

I’m sure some of my regulars have noticed a dearth of words here. 

Even the fiction has been virtual- virtually non-existent.  It’s been ages since I posted any flash fiction.

The creativity has been channeling into crafts, instead of the blog.

I’d apologize… but I’m not really sorry.

Take a look at what has been crafted in the last month………..


Made a cat tower out of some old “under-the-bed” drawers & some old carpet sticky squares & rope.


Finished a dresser my dad gave me- I love the raw wood color, so I just put a couple coats of polyurethane spray on it, filled nail holes, & put on the drawer pulls & keyhole covers.


Made a sign for my dad (a belated father’s day gift). Those are the grandson’s handprints at the bottom. He does a lot of woodworking, & has a whole old house filled with his projects, tools, etc.

And, the piece de resistance is…
A nightstand I’ve got about 20 hours of work into, sanding, painting…


After sanding…


Liquid gold paint on the 2 opposing sides…




And now…



Updated – Finished the blossoms on the opposite side tonight. Accent colors tomorrow, & it’ll be finished before the weekend!

Cherry blossoms.

Then, I’ll fill in texture & depth colors, and poly – coat it to protect when I’m finished.

Everything else, including blogging much, has gone on the back-burner for now.

But I ain’t dead yet.