The Ghost Dragon

I dreamt of the dragon last night.

Him who was, from the time long past.

Of what might have been, and what could have happened

I know now that it was nothing more than a fevered wish

There was never any truth to the dragon’s words

For they all washed away in the tide

Scattered on the sands of his island, secluded and safe

But there we walked, talked & laughed once.

In this wistful dreaming

He smiled at me and bid me stay

And then I knew it was no more than fancy

No more than fiction

Drafted from a simple haunting, and nothing more

Dragons don’t love.

They only dream of lightning.

But you cannot catch lightning if you won’t risk getting wet in the rain.

The morning light banished the dragon’s ghost

And I was left with the faint crackle of lightning in my fingertips as he fled.

Back Burner

Life has been complicated,  messy, & anxiety-ridden lately.

Umm… well, it’s always been that way, but it’s been that times about 5 for the last few weeks.

I’ve tacked back on some extra stress flab, & am trying really hard to correct that, watching what I eat, getting outside more to do yardwork, & contemplating working out. (Thinking about it really hard works brain cells, so why can’t it burn calories too? Something doesn’t seem quite right with that)

I just haven’t been much in the mood to write.

I’m sure some of my regulars have noticed a dearth of words here. 

Even the fiction has been virtual- virtually non-existent.  It’s been ages since I posted any flash fiction.

The creativity has been channeling into crafts, instead of the blog.

I’d apologize… but I’m not really sorry.

Take a look at what has been crafted in the last month………..

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Made a cat tower out of some old “under-the-bed” drawers & some old carpet sticky squares & rope.

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Finished a dresser my dad gave me- I love the raw wood color, so I just put a couple coats of polyurethane spray on it, filled nail holes, & put on the drawer pulls & keyhole covers.

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Made a sign for my dad (a belated father’s day gift). Those are the grandson’s handprints at the bottom. He does a lot of woodworking, & has a whole old house filled with his projects, tools, etc.

And, the piece de resistance is…
A nightstand I’ve got about 20 hours of work into, sanding, painting…

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After sanding…

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Liquid gold paint on the 2 opposing sides…

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Branches…

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Leaves…
And now…

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Updated – Finished the blossoms on the opposite side tonight. Accent colors tomorrow, & it’ll be finished before the weekend!

Cherry blossoms.

Then, I’ll fill in texture & depth colors, and poly – coat it to protect when I’m finished.

Everything else, including blogging much, has gone on the back-burner for now.

But I ain’t dead yet.

Busybusy Crafting Bee

I’m kind of tapped out for words right now; I’ve been really busy working on crafts & getting my house in some semblance of order.

So, I’m going to post some pictures of what I’ve been working on.

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Mother’s Day shadow box trees for my mom.

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Fairy Swing for the fairy garden my mom is making in her yard. It’s made entirely from woodbine, a pernicious vine I have growing on a trellis on the front of my house.

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A dresser my dad gave me. He stripped the old paint, & I filled holes, sanded & sealed it.  Good nuff.

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Yet another tree that went into my Etsy shop. I’ve since glued a piece of cork to the bottom to protect whatever surface
it sits on.

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One of my favorites so far, this is a cherry tree I made for my nephew’s boss.  I’ll be making another one for myself – SOON!

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A small wall hanging I made that I’ve put in the Etsy shop. I love the leaves, they’re almost a teal color, with gold rubbed on. 

And… the piece’ de resistance…
Something special for my dad for Father’s Day.

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Yes, this is an old measuring tape

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My grandson's handprints

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A tiny tree made from reclaimed copper wire

I know this gift is a little late for Father’s Day, but Mom & Dad were out of state for most of June, so I took a little extra time on it. I just put 2 coats of polyurethane on it tonight, & it’s ready to be gifted.  Dad does a lot more woodworking now that he’s retired, so I thought this would be fitting.

Hope you enjoyed seeing what has kept me so busy!

Now, I only have about 6 more projects currently in the works, so I’ll post pics of those as they progress.

G’nite!

Migraine

Morning comes, alarm beeping, needles piercing my scalp.

Migraine.

I shut the alarm off, even the act of reaching over my head causing the world to tilt, nausea rocking through me, and I grimace. 

I lay there for a few minutes, taking slow, shallow breaths, hoping the vertigo would subside… knowing it would instantly return as soon as I try to sit up… but my body tells me it has to reach the bathroom soon.

In a minute, I tell it silently.  Just give me a minute.  And I roll gingerly onto my side to prepare myself.

Finally, I catch my courage in a breath, slowly pushing myself to a seated position, head hanging.  The dizziness swirls, gorge rises as the thunderous pain in my head pounds. In time with my own heartbeat, it pulses- an evil clock tick-tock, tick…breathe…

My dog, Rosie, hops up from the floor and follows my swaying progress from bedroom to bathroom, nails clicking, sounding to me like a thousand soldiers marching in time behind me.

But I make it to the bathroom without falling down, and do what nature demands.

Wash my hands in cold water, slide their cool wetness over the back of my neck. Temporary relief, at best, it does not last.  But I can stand now, and I shuffle, zombie-style, down the hall to let Rosie outside.

Oh, God. Opening the back door…morning sunlight sears my retinas, the pain now a fiery thing that eats at me.  But Rosie is now out, & I can close the door again, blessed darkness a balm as I force myself back to the kitchen, and the medication.

Strong pills & cool water slide down my throat, a promise of relief and sleep ahead, but not instant.  And I have one more responsibility before I can collapse.

My phone lies on my mattress. I press the buttons to call in to work, wincing when one of my coworkers answers – it’s too loud TOOLOUD. But I pull it away from my head only a little so she can hear me ask for the supervisor.

My tongue feels swollen, thick & stumbling over the simple words.  My voice, hoarse & crackling.

“I’m sorry, I won’t make it in today. I have a migraine.”

Finishing the call, I lay the phone back down, rearranging myself on the bed, looking for the coolest spot in the sheets.  Knowing relief is waiting 15 more minutes down the line when the drugs kick in…and I will sleep.

And knowing, that the only ones out there who understand the difference between headache & migraine are the ones who’ve been on this same hell’s journey, the gruesome ticking bomb of a clock pounding in their head, the invasion of overstimulation…sight, sound, smell, taste…all overwhelming, all too much, until you have to seek oblivion just for a moment’s rest.

The absence of pain is the miracle we await.

And, as the wave of narcotics rolls over me, I take my first deep breath of the day…roll over, and fade into the cool darkness behind my eyelids.

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Tuesdays are for Nonsense and Musings

Musings:

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I want someone who will introduce me to his friends with a silly grin on his face.

Someone who, when I’m in a bad mood, knows to just let me be mad…and then when to coax me out of it with a smile, a kiss & a hug.

Someone who will let me take care of him when he’s not feeling well, instead of being a big, tough bastard who needs no one.

Someone not afraid of the commitment I need in my life. I need that, and haven’t had it for a very long time… including when I was married.  He was committed to remaining married, but he had no desire to commit to loving me, or even liking me, very much.  I need to know that the man in my life wants ME, with all that entails.

I’ve been talking to/involved with someone long distance for almost 2 years now, and I’m hoping that he’ll be able to come here soon. (It’s a long way from there to here, but we’re working on it)

He wants the whole shebang. Family, home, love, a life together, forever and ever, amen. 

And I sit here, just hoping… crossing fingers/eyes/toes… because I’ve had it all fall apart too many times, leaving me alone.

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And now, for the Nonsense:

I gave Schnicklefritz, the Toddler Tornado,  a haircut last night. Buzzed on the sides and back, and just long enough on top to give him a “faux hawk”. I would post a pic, but I was not allowed to paparazzi him. Some days he loves the camera, other days…not so much.

EldestDaughter & Schnicklefritz are going to see family in Iowa this weekend, and OnlySon is headed to his father’s after school lets out for the summer tomorrow… contemplating a weekend alone, you say?

Enter tragic drama with YoungerDaughter! Roommate troubles are bringing her home for some “Mommy and Sympathy” time. A little late-night binge tv, some desperately unhealthy snacks, & some thrift shopping is what’s on the menu… along with some house cleaning.

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Gramma, I love you! And the dirt pile in Great-Grandma’s yard. Hugs??

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My dad stripped this of many years’ worth of paint, & I wood – filled some nail holes, sanded the top, & sprayed 3 coats of semi-gloss polyurethane on. New brushed nickel drawer pulls & nailed the lock covers back on.

I like it just how it is, stripped of artifice, with the evidence of the past still marking it, ever so slightly, but shielded from the elements, put back together, & made useful again.

Hmm, maybe some Musings among the Nonsense.

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Project in Progress

There are a lot of things going on at my house simultaneously, these days.

EldestDaughter is packing, in preparation to move into her own place. Hopefully soon. She’s just waiting on the housing lady to contact her.

Dear Goddess, let it be soon – we’re both getting tired of living with each other.

I’m packing up YoungerDaughter’s room. Moving her stuff into storage, considering she hasn’t lived here all year, & has no plans of ever moving back in. She has been in an apartment with some friends all year, is staying there through the summer for summer school, & has 1 year left of college.

Highly unlikely she’ll ever sleep in the room next to mine again. Why is her stuff still here?

HellifIknow.

I’m working on multiple furniture restoration projects at the moment. *shrug* Why take them on? I need the dresser, and the other 2 projects – a nightstand & a re-covered seat for a vanity table… well, they’re spare time fun.

I’m still working on bonsai trees, and have other art projects I’m going to be experiment  with. 

I made my mom a swing for her fairy garden out of some woodbine (vine-like trellis herpes- it won’t go away, no matter what I do)

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*shrug* spare time sitting on my front step. 

And about those trees… here’s some of the latest:

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Mother’s Day present for my Mom.

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Mother’s Day present for a coworker’s mom.

And here are a couple of the latest to go up in my shop on Etsy – Just How I’m Wired

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As you can see, I’m branching out into applying the trees to stones.

So, between one thing and my mother, I’m a little busy.

And yet, I still have time to obsess about shit I can’t change, control, or affect.

Insomnia can suck it.

I’M the project in process.

https://www.etsy.com/shop/JustHowImWired