Home » Arts & Crafts » The Life of an Animal Cracker

The Life of an Animal Cracker

Ok, so I sort of told someone (Kenz, this is for you) that I’d post something I wrote when I was young…..er.  Either it’s the lateness of the hour (about 1:45 am) or I’m still buzzing from icecream and weekend joy, but here.  Written in college for an English Lit. class is:  The Life of an Animal Cracker. 

“Boy, this box is cramped.” 
“I wonder where I am.” 
“You’re in a box, stupid.” 
“Yeah.  That much I know.  But where?  And what are we all doing here?” 
“How should I know?  One minute, I’m being pressed out into the shape of a zebra, the next, I’m in a cramped little box, stuck in here with a bunch of other animals and being thrown around like a ball.”
 “Wow, it’s dark in here.”
 “No doubt.  And it’s warm, too.  How much air is left?  Can we breathe much longer?”
 “What’s ‘breathing’?”
 “I don’t know.  I heard some human say it in the big building.”
 “Really?  They must be smart.”
 “I guess so.  You know, I heard one of them say we were going to something called a ‘store’.  I wonder what that is.”
 “Well, I think we’ll find out now.  Someone’s picking us up again.”
 “Here we go, everybody.  Get ready!”
 “Get ready for what?”
 “Oh, stop with the questions already!  Nobody knows, or they would’ve said so!”
“Hey, we’ve stopped again.  And I hear voices!”
 “What are they saying?”
 “Shhhhh!  I can’t hear!”

“Now, Jimmy, sit still and I’ll give you your animal crackers.  No, be nice, or you can’t have them.”

“Mommy, crackers!”

“Alright, alright.  Here, let me open them for you.”

“Hey!  I see light!  Somebody’s letting us out!”
 “Ouch!  Hey, little human!  Don’t squeeze so tight!  You’re squishing me!  Ouch!  Give me my leg back!  Ow! Ow! OW!”
 “Look what that human did to Lion!  Did he do something wrong?”
 “I don’t know, but I don’t like it.”
 “Me, either.  Let’s get out of here!”

“Now, Jimmy, don’t tip over the animal crackers.  Oh, now look.  Some of them have fallen on the floor.  No, you can’t eat these, they’ve got dirt on them.  Now I have to throw them away.”

“Mommy, crackers!”

“Here, now be careful with them.”

“Geez, did you see that?  That nasty little human ate tiger WHOLE!”
 “Yeah, well at least we escaped.”
 “Yeah, but look where we are now.”
 “It smells in here.”
 “No kidding.”
 “Where are we?”
 “Oh no, not this again.”


*cringe*  I can see a zillion ways to make this better.  How did I get positive reviews from classmates – and my teacher?  Ack.  I want to re-write this so badly, my fingers itch!  But, this is about putting this out there, raw, as it was in college….so, I’ll hit the button now….


5 thoughts on “The Life of an Animal Cracker

    • LOL, thanks! One of the other bloggers, unabridgedgirl, inspired this. Looking back on it, I can definitely see where there’s room for HEAPS of improvement, but I still enjoy the original premise.

  1. Reminds me of two things.
    -Annual sacrificial chocolate bunny, eaten head first.
    -Biting the heads off gummy bears despite the fact I don’t really like them. Typically in front of someone who wants them, but for what ever reason cant have them.

    • Have you ever heard Eddie Izzard talk about the “evil giraffes”? Sorry… just a thought running through my head as I read your reply. It’s a running joke at my house between YoungerDaughter and I. He talks about how animals aren’t evil, and what it would be like if they were. *snicker* Thanks for the comments, I always enjoy reading them!

      • You know Ive watched a lot of his more recent shows on DVD, but I dont specifically recall that skit. But it sounds like good times indeed.

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