I am a chronic “helper”. There, I said it.
I suffer from the “in-denial-about-home-issues” and “all-over-other-people’s-problems” syndrome. I hope there’s a name for it, cause I just ran out of hyphens. I’d much rather help someone else with their stuff, than deal with my own most days. It’s a form of denial, I know, but I still do it.
And now, for a short segue:
I grew up in a household full of medical know how. My mother is an LPN, my grandmother was an RN. Both of my parents had periods of their lives while I was growing up that they were First Responders (rural equivalent to EMTs that get there before the ambulance). I even had a stint as a CNA at a nursing home, as well as working in a grouphome setting for developmentally disabled adults for a while when I was younger.
I don’t profess to have a LOT of knowledge about all things medical *laughing*, far from it. But I do know how to ask the right questions, where to look for answers, and I know the value of “getting there quickly”. I have a strong Good Samaritan gene streaking through my DNA.
Back to the topic at hand:
And so, even though there are times in my life when I just want to crawl back under the covers, hide under tables, whatever, when a friend tells me that there’s trouble a’brewing in their lives?
I’m all over it.
I’ll gladly chuck my own problems over my shoulder, race wherever my spidey senses tell me the emergency is, and pitch in till everyone’s safely out. “Here, let me help you with that – What me? Problems? No, Let’s talk about you.”
Example: Recently, an old friend and member of my “chosen family”, someone I consider like a little brother from my younger years, told me he has a serious medical condition. Without going into details, let’s just say that my spidey senses went haywire, and threatened to fry my little ant brain. Needless to say, all my own problems jumped to the end of the line, and I went all “medical commando”, trying to get as much information as I could, asking questions, and telling my friend to call me anytime, any day, no matter what. If he wanted someone to prop him up, I was his gal; if he needed someone to kick him in the hind region to motivate him, just whine; and if he needed an ear to vent to, or a shoulder to cry on, I’d get some clean tissues.
And, when he tried to dissemble and say that he was “going to be fine”, I called Bull.
Told him not to blow smoke there, and to stop worrying about me worrying about him.
He told me that I was the first person to tell him to stop worrying about others, the first person to say that we (his friends and family) have to handle our upset over this on our own, and that he needs to be selfish and think about himself first.
Yeah, it’s that kind of serious.
Yes, I’m upset about it. Yes, it scares me right down to my toes, and I pray every day that the treatments work.
But that’s my own emotional crap. And he doesn’t need to hear it.
So, I wait. And I hope. And Nurse Brea sits at attention, ready to fly.
Tabitha, ya got all the greatest attributes to be a great nurse yourself! Take it from a Nurse, your friends are lucky to have you to keep on them about their health issues…. Keep it up….Honorary Nurse Brea! 🙂
Thanks, Mark. There was a time, when I thought about it, what with it being sort of the “family business” and all, but I just couldn’t do it. So, I just stick with what I can do, and do as much as I can for my friends and family. But thanks, the compliment coming from you, someone that knows what it’s like, means a lot to me.
Being in the medical field has it’s drawbacks- like having to touch people. Creepy. Ha!
LOL, I know, it can’t all be goats and otters! 😉
Oh sweet lady, I understand where you’re coming from. It sounds like you gave your friend good advice, though, about worrying about himself a bit. I love you.
Yeah, he’s always so concerned about others, but, he’s the one that needs more support now. He’s one of those people that’s all about putting up a stoic strong front, making sure everyone else is ok, and he deserves to have someone help him for a change.
Love you too, lil k, and hope you’re feeling better too!
There’s a saying. “She’s a woman who lives for others. You can tell the others by their hunted look!”
Don’t be that woman, please!!
LOL, I do try to search for balance, but, sometimes that ole teeter-totter gets a little heavier on one end than the other. I’ve been discovering, though, especially in the last couple of years, that I can’t just walk by someone in need. I have to stop, offer a hand, or a shoulder, or even just a Kleenex if necessary. I try not to pour all my energies in that direction, because I do still have to make a life for myself, but *shrug*. And when it’s someone that is a family member, or friend, I get a little more involved.
And, when I know that they have another support system, such as other family and good friends that are there for them, I don’t feel such a strong push to be up-front and center with the “medical commando” stuff. And especially, if they tell me to “back off”, I will, letting them know that, if they do need anything, they have only to ask, and I will do my best for them.
Besides, I don’t hunt. The only things I shoot off are my mouth, and my camera! 😉
Sounds a lot like me, actually.
I take on too many things, am too empathic really. I don’t know how not to be.