Home » anxiety » Hard Truths In The Moon’s Light

Hard Truths In The Moon’s Light

I got to see the Mother’s face last night, washed clean, renewed and reborn.  It was lovely.  A brilliant silver disc high in the sky, with clouds drifting swiftly across it. 

This is a picture of the final portion of the eclipse, there was just a fraction of her face that was still covered.  You can’t see it here, my phone didn’t take great photos, but you get the idea.  This was the view from my driveway.  Looking up, at that moonlight, I wanted to lie back in the snow and let it wash everything from the last few days, weeks, months, away.  Instead, I stood, dressed in my jammies, and wrapped in a blanket, under that silver moonlight and prayed. 

I prayed to the Mother that I could let go of the anger and depression that has been plaguing me for so long now.  That I could be revitalized, under her luminous gaze, and renewed of purpose.  That I could take off the mask that I wear most days, my “professional” face, that I show to most everyone now, and just be me.

And I received an answer.

If you want to be renewed, first you have to Let Go.

Let Go.

Two simple words that are nearly impossible to actually do.

Even now, I had to stop writing this, and click over to something else for a minute, to collect my thoughts, and stop when an obstruction clogged my throat.  Fear.  It blurs my vision and stops my thought processes for a moment.

I have to let go of all the pain of the past, and I don’t know how I’m going to do it.  I can’t move forward, grow into what I truly want to be, until I take this step.  And to be honest, hanging onto some of these past pains has kept me going in tough times.  Spurred me to be the opposite of whoever it was that hurt me, kept me from making the same mistakes more than once. 

Pain can be a useful tool.  It keeps your hand out of the fire, shows you why it’s a bad idea to slide down the stairs head-first, and that a spoonful pepper is not like a spoonful of sugar at all.

But it also ties you to the past.

Binds you up in your own chains of memory, and tosses you into a room, locked within yourself, full of all the dark shadows you have created.

I am not responsible for what others hold onto.  Their issues are not my baggage.

I am only responsible for what I have carried with me all these years.

And somehow, some way, I need to learn to break this chain.

Let Go.


10 thoughts on “Hard Truths In The Moon’s Light

  1. (fighting back tears) It’s not easy my dear friend…is it? I know full well the struggles you are having. Letting go is so easy to say…actually doing it has to be one of the hardest things a person can do. I am sorry you continue to be in such pain. Pain is something I think you can never rid yourself of completely, but is something you can harness to the point where you once again gain control of your life. Your a dear friend. I know what you are going through. I am in that same room. Take hold of my hand and we will see if we can both help each other to get to where we want to be in our lives. I’m with you friend. 🙂

  2. This is something I struggle with too. I keep thinking how lovely it would be to be free of the emotion that I feel to go along with the memories of the events that have occurred. Letting the emotion/baggage float away sounds easy, but it’s that weight shackled around your leg that you can’t find the key for.

    I don’t have the remedy, but I’m here for you whenever you need me…I’m just a shout away.

    Love you, Sister!

    • Sparrow, you’ve been there for so much. (HUG) “Thanks” is inadequate, but it’s all I can say right now without being a complete mess.

  3. Oo.. such a powerful post; so powerful in fact I too felt the catch in my throat and sting in the eye. I can relate in so many ways, Brea. I have come to understand that part of “letting go” is forgiveness. I found this quote while working on my own “letting go” issues; “Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.”

    The past cannot be changed, but you can allow it to assist you in changing you alone. Allow the hurt to be a tool teaching you how not to be with your children, your friends, your “chosen” family.

    My thoughts are with you during this time of realizations and changes. I hope that the new year will bring you closure, peace and happiness.

  4. Powerful post and words I understand all too well. The reason I started blogging to begin with was to work through the pain and anger that have cause me so much depression over the years. I’ve put my Life’s Journey’s posts on hold until after the holidays but they truly have helped me. Pain is an awesome tool that I have found a way to use to my advantage and I am thankful I was strong enough to do so. I hope the New Year brings you peace and strength. Thanks so much for sharing.

    • Thank you for reading. It’s hard posting these things, but having so many friends checking in helps. It really does. Thank you.

  5. Hi Brea. Whew!!! That was a mind opener! I like your idea of letting go. We all deal with our past issues in different ways be it trying to be humorous to keep from crying or not letting anybody close so they don’t hurt you or worse you don’t hurt them.

    I too have some issues I need to let go. And you have inspired me to try to apply this concept with my life. Although I believe everything happens for a reason you wish it wouldn’t especially for those you care about. I’m here for you woman!

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