Home » anxiety » On a More Serious Note…

On a More Serious Note…

I’ve been debating with myself over the possibility of writing a more extremely serious post.  It’s something that I feel could go one of two ways:

1.  I purge something that I’ve held in for about 25 years, and I get it off my chest, finally – enabling me to move past it.

or

2.  I scrape raw a half-healed wound that could send me spiralling further into depression and anxiety than I already am.

Still unsure of whether or not to write it, much less post it, so I’m waffling.

Geminis are good at waffling.

And french toasting.  As long as I remember not to butter the skillet.  (Read:  FIRE ALARM and house full of smoke)

Sorry, I’m also good at covering up pain with humor.  The mask behind the mask is just a mask.

I wrote yesterday about blogging being good therapy, being able to write things down, get them out, and “scream into the darkness to see what screams back.”  This?  Would scream back.  Loudly, I think.

But, I recently got in touch with an old friend, someone who has always been able to make me talk, even when I really, really didn’t want to.  This person has caused more verbal blurting in the past couple of weeks than I think I’ve done in a long time.  I hear his voice in my head now, telling me that if I’m going to talk about it at all, to just say it.  Just – say it.  And there will be no judgments, no recriminations, no heckling.  Just typing that, I hear his voice, and it makes me tear up in response. 

I must be totally mad.

Because, I’m going to write it.

Not today, but soon.  And it may not be open to the public.  I’m not sure if I’m ready for that kind of….. publicity… yet.  But, I promise, for those of you that really want it, and you know who you are, I’ll forward the password if I do protect it. 

Baby steps… but I think I’m almost ready.

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17 thoughts on “On a More Serious Note…

  1. As someone who recently started posting password protected serious posts, I can honestly say it feels AMAZING to get it off your chest, whatever it is. I’d love to keep reading, password protected and all, but I understand if you’d prefer to keep relative strangers out. ❤ *big hugs* Take care, and be gentle with yourself. You can get through this.

    • Oh, I agree whole-heartedly. I’ve been using the password protection on one of my other blogs for a while now, not wanting to burn the whole internet down. But it is good to get it down, and out of my system. Thanks, my friend, and if I do password protect, I’ll send it your way. No doubt.

  2. I can say that when I finally wrote about something that happened YEARS ago, it was probably the best and most healing thing I have ever done. I did post it publicly and, for the most part, it helped to hear from others and get that support. It also brought out someone who really upset me by their comments. At first, I was just upset, but it made me think more about what happened to me and, in the end, helped the healing process. Whether you choose to protect it or not, I hope that what you need to release, does so and that you can find healing in that release. {{hugs}}

    • Thanks so much, Fox. I’ve been really lucky in that I haven’t had any seriously negative comments, yet. I’m not worried so much about that, as about the “sensitive” nature of the post. (NSFW) I’m still chewing it over, though, and will probably simply go public. ::shrug:: I’m learning that opening up, even about the hardest stuff, can be a good thing.

  3. Baby Steps Brea…. If you really want to do it, wait until you are absolutely ready. If you do decide to write it, I hope that writing it out helps to release at least a little of that inner turmoil that you have. I think the password protected post is a great idea. I’d give ya a huge hug…but I just got off the bike….and I’m sure you don’t want to get wet and smell like a goat….. 🙂

    • Thanks, Mark. I’m still in the “chewing it over in my head” phase right now. I want to get it out, just not sure how far, and how publicly. It’s time, I think, to tell it.

      And I love goats, you old goat. I used to have one, went by the name of “Heidi”.

  4. Baby steps are phenomenal; after all they are the beginning of a new era. I agree with inamongtheheather, password protected entries are really wonderful. You’re able to purge and get it out there. Doing it is the hardest part, but once finished, you’re able to go back and read it, edit it, add to it, etc. Just the act of getting it out of you and out in ethereal the healing process can begin.

    Here for you, when and if you need it.

    Regan

  5. Brea,
    Reading about your struggles helps me to recognize that I’m not alone. For this I thank you. I wish I’d had your strength and personal insight when I was much younger. The lessons we learn in our lifetime build us to move forward.
    Hugs

    • Thank you so much! I have had a huge amount of help from friends in moving myself to this point. Friends that have become “chosen family”. HUGS back.

  6. Password protected posts are a great idea–I have been toying with the idea myself…but am unsure how to tell the people who I don’t want to give it too (ie people who really know me) that they can’t have it. I don’t know if I can deal with people getting offended-wondering what I am “hiding” etc. Just make sure that you are 100% ready to start the healing process because it gets worse before it gets better. Sending positive energy your way.

    • Oh, believe me, password-protecting can be a life-saver. If someone asks for it that you don’t want, simply tell them that you’re not really making it public. If they persist, tell them that it’s private, and only for one other person. Who is not them. Truly nosy and obnoxious people only deserve one answer – BUTT OUT.

  7. Go girl! Sometimes you just have too!
    I recently got in trouble for some of my blogs. It angered me because this is MY outlet no one else’s. Its all about me not anyone else. I was thinking of putting a disclaimer or even putting a password, but for me I just could not.
    Screw people and what they think. If they don’t like it, stop reading!
    Last time I checked this blog was Brea’s!

  8. “If someone asks for it that you don’t want, simply tell them that you’re not really making it public. If they persist, tell them that it’s private, and only for one other person. Who is not them. Truly nosy and obnoxious people only deserve one answer – BUTT OUT.”
    I had this issue a few years back, and it spiralled briefly into a scary episode of stalking, because the person I’d told politely that it was only meant for another person reacted in the most astounding way, accusing me of all sorts. I was pretty shocked and upset for some weeks over it.
    I’d like to read it if you do post it, but won’t pester. You are being brave and strong.
    xx

    • Thanks, Viv. I’ll watch the comments, possibly even to closing them. I’m just not sure of the logistics of this yet…

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