I have a friend who’s always asking me “What’s going on inside that head of yours?”
Scary question, most of the time. But I’ll share a little of what’s been going on up there for the last few days, in bits and pieces. Toned down, of course, to keep it safe for public consumption.
He was actually at the local B & N this weekend, and I snapped this picture on my phone. He read for story time, to help support some of the local literacy programs. But I got a big chuckle out of seeing him wander the store, complete with round, black glasses and cane. He was like the Pied Piper, with little kids following him everywhere he went.
*Speaking of Saturday. *sigh* Best. Day. Ever. Got to have coffee (chai for me) with the inquisitive friend, and spent hours talking. Very most wonderful afternoon.
I would swear I took this picture yesterday.
And now, she’s living on her own, a beautiful, capable young woman.
In one week’s time, she won’t be a teenager anymore, she’ll be a 20-something.
Happy birthday, Peanut.
I am so proud of you.
*Even though there are some definitely murky areas of my life right now, and demons still waiting to be slain, I’m feeling pretty good. I know that this is a lull in the storm, as I haven’t really hit the biggest stuff yet. I’ll take the moment to breathe.
* I discovered a hidden truth about myself this weekend. I don’t like to fight, not really big confrontations – but I can really get a charge out of little arguments. Gets the blood pressure up, the adrenaline flowing, and my brain whirring. Fuel for the flame, so to speak. Mock fights and teasing are a great way to get me fired up about stuff. Tawanda, the name of my alter-ego, got to engage in a little mock fisticuffs, and I felt that old sparkle rekindle in my eye again. I have great friends. They let me out to play once in a while, without taking everything personally. I need to be able to tease once in a while. I grew up with it in my family and in my house. I love the sarcastic back and forth, without malice, of course. I don’t like hurting others, but I do love the funny, easy banter. It’s something that’s been missing for a long time, as the spouse takes everything as a personal slam.
*I’m slowly working my way to a point where I really don’t care what my family thinks about the stuff that’s going on in my life. What I choose, who I am, where I’m going, really isn’t up to them, it’s up to me. And I deserve to be happy, instead of being made to feel guilty that I don’t want the same things for myself that they think I should have. I haven’t quite gotten up the nerve to confront them yet, but I’m working on it. Again, with the support and help of great friends.
And, for the biggie.
*I’m pretty sure I’m going to be making a major life change soon. Life is upside down, and I’m not really ready to comment on it here yet, but when the demons get let out of the closet… they all come tumbling out. Gotta slay them one at a time, but you gotta get them all. No sense in putting any of them back in the closet once they’re out in the light. That just prolongs the pain.