I am a contradiction.
And I know that a lot of people would agree, and possibly even go so far as to call me a just a little nuts. *insert unanimous applause from the crowd here*
I blame it a lot on being a Gemini, the twin sign of the Zodiac, but I know that’s not the only reason. I say that some of it is simply from being female, because we’re allowed to change our minds, randomly, without warning, and without explanation. But that’s not the whole of it, either. And I have said that the way I was raised, I was taught to always try to see things from everyone else’s point of view, not just my own. That is a lot of points of view you have to take into consideration, and can lead to being chronically confused, and prone to migraines, from information overload.
None of these things is completely true on their own, and together, they still aren’t the whole of why I am the way I am.
No, I’m not bipolar, nor do I have multiple personality disorder. “Tawanda” is simply a fictional alter-ego that I enjoy using as a scapegoat and place to lay down some of my angst. She can be a silly, and fun coping mechanism, that helps lift my spirits when I’m angry or depressed. I do know that it’s me being angry, when I’m angry, and I know that it’s my mouth saying the snarky things I say sometimes. I try to refrain from hurting others, and sometimes I miss that mark, and say something rude. And then, I apologize for my own actions.
I’ve never really been normal; my whole life I was the kid with the strange ideas. The one that could figure out how to make something weird out of commonplace items. I was the one with an imagination bigger than my own head, and tall tales would come pouring out of my brain at inopportune moments. Teachers often thought I was “just a little off” or “slightly left of center”, but they also knew that I was smart.
I was the one that would make up scary stories around the campfire, or could fabricate a fib faster than you could shake a finger in my direction. I was named “most likely to get grounded – and then get out of it” at high school, for my ability to weasel my way out of trouble.
I was also the kid with the serious down-side.
And I’m still the same, as an adult. There are days when I’m looking up from the bottom of the pond, and all I see is murky water and weeds. And then, something will happen, or someone will make me smile or laugh, and it blows off like a brief summer storm.
And, to say the least, I am mercurial. I change my attitude and mood at the drop of a hat, sometimes, even before the hat hits the floor, I’ve gone through 3 or 4 mood changes.
From information that I know through my studies, and from this website, where I found this picture, I know that Mercury was seen as the messenger and scribe of the Gods, holder of the Books of Life, and the one Roman God, other than Pluto, that could freely come and go from the underworld, as it was Mercury’s duty to accompany the souls of the dead across the veil. He was quick of wit, and glib of tongue, and easily changeable of mind and mood. In Greek mythology, he was known as Hermes, and was the God of Medicine and Healers.
Quick to speak, an imagination that went on forever, and with a serious case of “Here let’s not talk about me, let’s talk about you and make you feel better”, Mercury is the personification of a lot of Geminis, myself definitely included.
So, if sometimes, I seem to pull away, or hide behind sarcasm and humor – blame it on Mercury. When I’m depressed one minute, and laughing riotously the next, don’t call the men in white coats, just roll with it, and be glad the moment has passed.
Flip the coin.