And so we come to the last chapter of the trilogy.
A few months ago, an old friend found me on Facebook, and followed a link on there to this blog. She was my best friend from high school, and I’m ecstatic to be reunited with her.
She also brought another person from my past, back into my life, through a series of coincidences and some sneaky-ninja Facebook tactics.
And talking to them, reliving old memories, rehashing old stories, was wonderful. But it also brought up a lot of thoughts and feelings, like regret, and questioning why I put up with all the things that I’d let slide over the years of my marriage.
Was I happy?
That was the hardest question in the world to answer.
And it shouldn’t have been.
And I’m not saying that either one of these people “talked me into” getting divorced. Far from it. Both of them simply wanted me to be the “real me”, the one that didn’t put up with crap from anyone; the person that stood up for herself and what she believed in, no matter who was facing me. They both wanted me to be happy, and were willing to do whatever it took, whether it was talking till the wee hours of the night, or simply offering a shoulder to lean on, to get me to a place where I could say that “Yes, I’m happy”.
And when I stated that I wasn’t happy, it really snowballed quickly.
There was no attempt to “fix” anything, because my ex wouldn’t admit that he’d ever done anything wrong. He wasn’t willing to work on the relationship, thought it was pretty-near perfect, in his eyes. Because he was always getting his way, basically.
And I wasn’t willing to go back to the way things were.
So it was a stand-off, and I decided to just get off the ride, altogether.
The divorce process itself, was fairly quick. I gave quite a few concessions in the divorce agreement, simply to get out. But I also ended up with both children, and the house. And that was the important stuff, to me. There’s a very lenient visitation schedule for OnlySon, which I readily agreed to, since I want my son to have his father in his life. I know how important they are to each other, and I don’t want to stand in the way of that. But I also know that he needs a better structure in his life, and I can give him that. After all, it worked with the girls.
From the first meeting with my lawyer, to yesterday’s judgment from the courts, the whole process took only about 2 months, give or take a few days. Fast, I know. But, since we had worked out the agreement, and no one was contesting the divorce, it fairly flew right through the court system.
And sitting here now, I’m relieved that it’s over, while being sad that I failed. I’m happy to start this new phase of my life, but depressed that I have to start off on this, alone. Someday, maybe there will be someone to share this with. And I am willing to take a chance again. I have my grandmother to thank for that willingness, and I’ll tell about her story another time. But for right now, I’m on my own.
I’ve removed the rings.
But that doesn’t mean that all the marks of this finished relationship have faded.
Some scars take time to heal.