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One Step Forward

Two steps back, it seems.

I am so clueless when it comes to dating, I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing.

Having been out of the loop for 14 years, I’ve forgotten how to be “coy” and “play the game”. 

Instead, I’ve been discovering that I’m skeptical and cautious of showing too much that’s real, for fear of rejection. 

Why would anyone want to take on a single mom, 40, almost 41 years old, with all the baggage that comes with a past and 2 kids still at home – one of whom is a teenager, and the other rapidly approaching teenager-hood?

*sigh*

I said in the other day’s post that I’d met someone.

That’s true, as far as it goes.  I have met someone.

The problem is?  Well, I’m not really sure what the problem is.  At least not all of it.  Because I’m so afraid of getting burned again, that I’m holding back.  And I’m not sure that I’m really ready for the dating scene again.

Here’s what I do know, though…

*I don’t want to just “hook up” with someone.  I’m so not into that.  And I know that there are a lot of guys out there just looking for that.  How do you weed them out?  Why do I want to even bother meeting that kind of person?  How do you meet real people looking for a real relationship?

*The bar-scene is not conducive to meeting real people.  Everyone there is either half-lit, or totally bombed, and I’m over that whole thing.  I like to have a beer once in a while, but I don’t want to make it my place to hang out.  I’m not in my 20’s anymore, thanks.

*I would really like to find someone that would be able to just accept my faith, without taking it apart into little pieces.  That’s kind of hard to find in this rural, mostly Christian culture.  There aren’t a whole lot of pagans in my area, and most of the ones that are here, I already know.  They’re not dating possibilities for me, for whatever reason.

*I have no idea what the hell I’m doing.  Maybe I should just give up on this prospect, and call it a day.  Go back to just being a mom and employee, and write the whole “relationship” thing off as a bad joke.

*ugh

*I really like this guy.  He’s funny, and he’s smart too.  But, do I really want to crank up this whole “other person in my life” thing again? 

*One step forward, two steps back… when did I start dancing?  With my two left feet, this could be dangerous.

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9 thoughts on “One Step Forward

  1. It is really hard jumping back into the dating scene. I was younger, but I also had a kid and didn’t have the time or the patience for stupid men only looking to have a little fun. I do not envy you your position, but I know that you will find a way through it eventually. Have you looked into any online dating sites? I know that some people still have a negative view of them (and some warrant that view), but many really are a good way to get to know someone. I actually met my husband through an online site way back when. Whatever you decide to do, don’t beat yourself up over any of it. Be who you are, no matter what. If the person doesn’t like the you that you present, then they aren’t the right person for you. The last thing you want is to end up in the same place you are in now. I’ll be in the cheering section encouraging you to find some happiness. {{{hugs}}}

    • Thanks, I’ve actually sorta tried an online site, and I’m still not sure about it, but we’ll see. I’m absolutely positive, though, that I’m going to just be me, no matter what. I’m SO done with just trying to fit in, trying to make the other person happy, at whatever cost to my own needs. It’s just not worth it. (HUGS BACK)

  2. Honey, if you really like this guy, then just “hang out” and get to know each other. Just be yourself and see where it goes. I”m cheering for you too!

    I don’t know about the rest of it … some guys “looking to hook up” are smoother about it than others and hard to spot. Maybe you could get the kids to help? You could invite a guy for a picnic and have them act obnoxious on purpose … guys who aren’t serious about a woman wouldn’t even think about hanging around after that. 😉

    • LOL, OnlySon is so set against me dating at ALL, all I’d have to do is tell him I like someone… I wouldn’t have to ask him to be obnoxious! 😉

  3. Honey, at that age, what guy doesn’t have the same baggage? Unless you’re turning into a cougar, and seeking a young man with no relationship history, you’re putting more pressure on yourself than they probably are.

    • Ugh, “cougar” is so not my style. I already have 3 kids, I don’t want to add another one. I know I’m probably being too hard on myself, but – *shrug* I always am. Something to work on, I guess.

  4. * Hugs! * I love ya, girl! And I know that you’ll figure this all out. If it helps, I’m 28 and I still can’t figure out the dating game. This is probably why am single. Harharhar!

    • (HUGS) Love ya too, lil k! And thanks. I’m still not sure how much I have “figured out”, or if I’m just overthinking the whole thing. *sigh*

      However, YOU are made of awesome, and that means you just haven’t found anyone AWESOME enough for you yet!

  5. Before you rush into dating, you need to take some time and be happy with yourself. The new guy can be a friend until you figure out what you’re doing. Buy a good battery operated buddy, reconnect with your girlfriends, and enjoy your religion. In time you might find that the “other” person you’re looking for has been looking at you in the mirror for years.

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