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Seeking and Finding

I’ve always tried to keep things pretty open and honest on my blog, and I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.  This whole endeavor started out as a place to put my thoughts, musings, ideas, and personal revelations.  It still is that, for me.

So… I wanted to talk about my foray into the world of online relationship seeking.

Yup, I have been journeying through the idea of seeking a relationship with the help of an online service.  And I joined one of the better-known services, in the hopes that I’d possibly find someone else out there that would be able to share some of my interests, and was actually serious about wanting to have a relationship, not just looking for kicks and giggles.  I figured that anyone willing to actually pay for a service, and also willing to fill out the million-question questionnaires, was pretty serious about looking for someone else to share their life, not just to hang out for a few hours at the local bar.

So, in a nutshell, here’s my reasoning behind using an online relationship search service. 

1.  I know that I haven’t been divorced very long.  I know that a lot of people think that maybe it’s too soon, after “just” getting out of one relationship, to go looking for another one.  This is why, when filling out my profile?  I put that I’m taking my time.  I recently told a friend that “I don’t know if I’ll ever even want to get married again, we’ll see what the future brings – but I know that I can be alone without being “lonely”, I just don’t want to always be alone.” 

2.  I’m not looking for someone to “fill in the gaps”.  I have a full, complete life in and of myself.  I’m not desperate to have a man in my life, but I would like to have someone special to share things with.  After hearing about my grandmother’s life and loves, I was inspired to make sure that I don’t shut out the possibility of finding someone else who I could be close to, share life’s ups and downs with, and maybe, someday, fall in love again.

3.  With my track record, maybe it’s a good idea to let a computer pick the sort of people I meet.  I have a bad habit of trying to “fit” myself into someone else’s life by becoming a human chameleon.  With an online service, you fill out a very detailed questionnaire of your likes, dislikes, etc.  If you aren’t honest about who you actually are, it really doesn’t have any point to doing it at all.  Then, the service picks from all the other people those who share interests, likes, dislikes, etc.  They really do look for compatibility before even suggesting them to you.  Then it’s up to you to decide whether or not to talk to them.

4.  I like the idea that the beginning of talking to someone is mostly anonymous.  They don’t get your phone number, personal email, or even your last name… unless you give it to them.  That takes away a lot of the paranoia about someone possibly stalking you through this means.  It’s safer than I thought it would be at first.  You communicate through the service’s available means, which includes an email option, without giving away too much “personal location” info.

5.  I mentioned that I’d been seeing someone for a little while.  I have been.  But, while I still like him, and he still makes me laugh, I’m not sure that he’s really looking for a relationship.  I’m thinking he may end up in the “friends file”.  He’s funny, sarcastic, and has given me back a lot of the self-confidence I’d lost over the last couple of years, but I don’t think he has any romance in his soul.  I want that as well as the rest, so if I’m not going to find it with him, I need to move on before it goes any further. 

So, that’s where I’m at right now. 

And yeah, I’ve met a couple of guys online already who “could be” “maybe” “possibly” – someday.  I don’t know either of them well enough to say yes, no, or maybe so.  But I have plenty of time to find out before I make a decision either way.  One of them I’ve actually talked to on the phone a couple of times, and he seems to be a really great guy.  I’ll tell you more about him another time, if it continues to progress.

For now, I’m learning a lot about what it is that I’m really seeking – not only in another person, but within myself.  And when I find it?  I’ll let you know!




6 thoughts on “Seeking and Finding

  1. I think that is great! Personally, I am a huge supporter of online dating. I met my hubby of 10 years online and it was the best dating experience I’ve ever had. Yeah, I still had to weed through a few jerks (totally different sites back then and not quite the filter it sounds like you have). You won’t totally eliminate that through the online venue, but I did like that it seemed that both parties could come together to communicate as they are without any preconceived notions that many people get when they first see someone. It allowed me to get to know someone before I made a judgement based solely on looks. I know that may seem shallow, but I don’t think that we realize how much of our opinions of others are based on what they look like. Anyway, I think it is great that you are out there exploring your options to see what it is you really want for you. That, in my opinion, is the only way to go through life. If you don’t try, you won’t ever know.

    • Thanks, my friend. It’s nice to hear from someone that has had a positive experience with online dating. The questions in my head still hang there, waiting for answers, but I’m content for right now to wait for them. Rather like a watched pot, it won’t boil till it’s ready, and no amount of stirring on my part is going to help.

    • Thanks. I’ve been getting a lot of feedback about this, not always positive or even supportive, so it’s been great having my friends here tell me that it’s not all bad. Like I said in the post, I’m not sure if I’ll marry again, maybe, maybe not, but I’m not going to cut myself off from the possibility of finding someone to share my life with.

      • Honey, you just need to do what ever it is that will make YOU happy. If others have a differing idea, that is their right … but they have NO right to tell you what is or isn’t appropriate for you. Live your life for you, not how others think you should. 😉


  2. The huge bonus to this on-line dating is that you have all the anonymity that you need until you are ready to really reveal any personal information. After listening to what you’ve had to say about this process, it might be something I’m willing to try if I ever decide to get back into the dating scene.

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