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Thoughtful moment of the day:  Seeing my ex’s facial expressions showing on my son’s face is not what I want to see first thing in the morning.  Or at all, really.  But I’m going to have to deal with it as it happens, and remember that OnlySon is not the ex.  OnlySon can learn.

A friend of mine told me a while back about seeing her ex’s facial expressions and mannerisms showing up in her boys’ faces occasionally, and how badly that upset her.  She had to take a step back, remember that her boys were not her ex, and try to figure out how to keep the ex’s old habits and inherited mannerisms from pushing her buttons through her sons.

And now I’m faced with that as well.

I had a date last night with… (I need to come up with a nickname here for him) the man I’ve been seeing.  Dinner and a movie, with some snuggling on the couch thrown in.  Got me out of the house, I got to some of that “me time” I talked about yesterday, and I got to spend it with someone who makes me feel good, both about myself and the world in general.  Very relaxing, a lot of laughter, and no stress.

OnlySon took offense.

Even though EldestDaughter was at home with him, and had told him where I was, and who I was with, he seemed to feel that I should have checked in and gotten his approval.



By the time I got home last night, he was in bed, sleeping, so I got to hear all about his feelings on the matter from ED.  She hadn’t realized that OnlySon had called me after she sent him to bed.

This morning, I decided he and I needed to have a little “discussion” about who’s the grown-up here.

Watching my ex’s facial expressions slide across his face as he tried to tell me that I “have to check in with him”…. and I told him in no uncertain terms that he had been informed where I was, but that he was in no way going to be the “date monitor”….

Yeah, it pushed buttons for me, and yeah I wanted to tell him to wipe that look off his face – but he can’t help it.  He does have some of the same facial expressions as his father.  He does look like him, to a certain extent, so he doesn’t have a choice in how his face shapes itself.


He will not be dictating to me when, where, who, how and why.  That was something his father tried to do, to control.  And I’m not letting a 13 year old boy run the house. 


I mean, it’s not like I ran away for the weekend, leaving him home alone with no one but the dog and cats, with no food in the house.

I went on a freaking date, and was home before midnight.



8 thoughts on “Twenty

  1. I can completely relate to the facial expressions. My oldest is nearly the genetic duplicate of the sperm donor and it has been VERY hard to look past the look of him to see my child instead. It is even harder when the attitude, mannerisms and pretty much everything else is the same as well and becomes even more the older and closer to adulthood he gets. I am incredibly grateful that the ex and I split when my oldest was only a few months old as I don’t think I could have gracefully handled having my child trying to dictate my dating schedule.

    • It is really hard, isn’t it? *sigh* ah well, I just remind myself over and over, “He’s trainable, he’s young, he can learn”… We’ll see if it works!

  2. Good for you, standing up as the adult, the parent! I hate how some kids have such control these days! Yep, it’s hard seeing the looks and having the kidlets behave in the (usually worst!) manner of the ex, or in my case, my husband. I just have to remember they aren’t him or me and tape my own buttons closed! heh…

    • Thanks! I’ve always taught my kids that yes, they have a say in their own lives, but I’m still the boss of the household. When they turn 18, move out on their own, and are no longer under my roof and being paid for by my paycheck, they can change their rules however they want. Till then? It’s Mama’s Way.

  3. My son does things his dad used to do and I know it’s genetic since his dad and I divorced when my son was 2 years old and my son really hasn’t spent any time with his dad in the 19 years since. But that doesn’t stop me from wanting to smack him really hard. I remind myself that it was the PERSON who annoyed me and not the behaviour. Sometimes it helps…

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