I decided that I’m going to write some more “Gems of Wisdom from an Old Lady” to my new grandchild. And I’m going to do it in an educational manner – alphabetically, cause you know I’m all about being educational! So, I’m going to work my way through the alphabet, giving examples of general and specific
Stuff that Every Kid Should Learn About When They Get Here
A: Is for Applesauce. Launched at high velocity from highchair level, this mashed and processed fruit makes a wonderful wallpaper paste, as well as a great-smelling hair-care product for Mommy. On the floor, it can cause many wonderful moments of slapstick humor as people slip in it and step onto it wearing socks. Also make sure to get the cats, they could use a little fruit in their diets!
It’s also for Adventure. You’ll have a lot of these in your life, make sure to invite your Gramma along once in a while, hunh? Life gets boring doing nothing but sitting at home watching Elmo talk to his crayon drawings. Let’s go find some trouble to get into, shall we?
A is also the first letter in Alcohol. You don’t ever need this, it’s poison – it’s yucky, and Gramma is going to make sure to put the Mr. Yuck stickers all over any bottle that comes into her house with that word on it. Poi—-son, stay away from Gramma’s poison, alright? Gramma’s old, she can drink the poison. You are little. You can’t. Ever. K?
A is a wonderfully versatile letter. It also starts off the words Adorable, Affectionate, and Absolutely Perfect, which I know you will be.
So there you go, Little Buddha. Your A words for the day.
Tomorrow we’ll work on the letter B. For Bit— well, let’s keep that for tomorrow, alright?
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