Tonight is Christmas Eve, and I am spending it alone for the first time in my life.
Christmas is not my holiday, so I’m not as upset about this, or lonely, as one might think. It’s truly not that big of a deal, now that I’m in it.
Plus, we celebrated the gift-giving & dinner on my holiday, Yule, so I did have that holiday experience. And it was bittersweet… but I had some happiness mixed in with the grief. It balances, to a certain extent.
My children all scattered to celebrate with their other family members, or with friends, my parents are at home, quietly celebrating my Mom’s birthday – which just so happens to be tonight.
I took down the tree tonight, denied the house of its decorations. And that was ok, too.
Funny, but it was actually kind of a relief to turn my house back to normal operating mode. I even started a load of laundry – completely domestic chores, not holiday -related at all.
And now, I’m showered, in my jammies, & relaxing…knowing that tomorrow will bring me the opportunity to do anything I want.
I can sleep in.
I can stay in my jammies all day, if I so choose.
I can eat when I feel hungry, nap if I feel tired, read, play games, craft.
With the holidays behind me, & no more pending orders in front of me, I can craft simply for the pleasure of it. Make anything that strikes my fancy.
I can sit in the still & the quiet (cut occasionally by the antics of the fur fools -2 cats, a dog & a ferret )
I can go into the hush, & be still.
When does that happen anymore?