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Specializing in Not Much

2016 seems to be my year.

It’s my year- – – for specialists.

A few months ago, I started having pain in my right side. Right where my kidney is. The kidney that I had to have surgery on in 2001, and thought I’d never have trouble with again.

And here I am, having troubles.


So, I packed my happy ass off to my regular doctor, & told her all about it. She ordered the usual suspects – blood tests, urinalysis,  and an ultrasound.

Some results pointed at a possible issue, but it’s not kidney stones, so she didn’t know what it could be.

Whoopee. Time to swing out the big guns.
A urologist.

Monday, I went to see Herr Doktor – and wound up seeing Herr Doktor’s Nurse Practitioner instead.  We’ll call him “Precious”.

Why? Because I had to wait a freaking month just to get in to see a Nurse Practitioner, for one.

Two? Because Precious didn’t even do an exam! He talked to me, asked me where it hurts, what makes it better, what makes it worse, blah, blah ,blippity  blah.

He didn’t even have me get on the exam table so he could do the usual prod & test of the offending area.

He sat on his little rolling stool, legs crossed, and talked to me as though I am some kind of hysterical, hypochondriac female.

And when I told him my history – how I’d been through testing before my surgery – 5 FUCKING YEARS OF TESTING, with the exact same pain I’m experiencing now, same place, same batchannel, same bat time – you know what he told me?!?

No, you don’t,  because it was so far out from left field, I couldn’t believe it when he said it!

“I think it’s musculoskeletal “.


AND, he can’t schedule any additional testing, he has to make a recommendation to the urologist.

Precious little got accomplished at this visit, but you can bet it’s going to cost me a precious penny or 12.

When did it become impossible to actually SEE a doctor?

When did it become a mine field of obstacles, nurses, automated phone systems & “nurse practitioners ” surrounding the Precious Doctors like a Wall of Doom?!?

All I want is someone to fucking listen to me, to believe me when I tell them that, after going through 5 years of pain, and every test known to man and his dog, then surgery… that MAYBE, JUST MAYBE I KNOW MY BODY PRETTY FUCKING WELL?!?

#\$&$\!\#*$(@*!&!&/! $@!*#/(/($£7=£&!&×!!!


Oh yeah, and I had to go to an Endodontist today to have a root canal redone. The guy was pretty cool, actually, & is Donny & Marie Osmond’s nephew.

And all it took was $1000.00 out of my pocket after my insurance paid their part.

But he’s got a nice tenor voice, and a good sense of humor, so there’s that.


4 thoughts on “Specializing in Not Much

  1. God, you’re a good writer! I totally get you. I was dismissed by 3 “specialists” and endured various living hells before my scoliosis surgery. You worded everything so perfectly! First, I’m very sorry for your pain and it maddening as fuck (pardon me) when seeing such an asshole. I once had a surgeon look at me and say, “Well, I don’t know what to tell you. I wouldn’t touch you.” Basically, “see ya, wouldn’t want to be ya.” FIND ANOTHER UROLOGIST. Keep looking and you’ll find the right one. Do not take this type of treatment. I wish I found my surgeon earlier, but FOUR operations later, she’s saved me 4 times. I recently moved to PA and I’ll still go to GA to see her. A lot of doctors and PAs are dicks. Period. However, there are actually human doctors. Please don’t take it and keep looking. Promise? I’ll nag you. We need you! I’m so sorry, friend! Yet, you still write with such humor. “Dafuq” made me laugh! Thank you! I’ll be back too. What a year. I adore you!

    • Thanks, LD! I’m going to keep working on finding someone who’ll believe me. When I had my surgery in 2001, the urologist I saw was really good. Unfortunately, he left a few years ago & moved back to Canada. I won’t let Precious stop me from finding the real issue, because I’m not going to go through 5 years of hell again. Been there, done that, still have the treadmarks.

      I’m going back to my old motto “Don’t let the fuckers grind you down”.

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