I’ve been unexpectedly weepy for the past couple of weeks. My emotions have been following the local weather’s habits, I guess, with quick, raging storms, lasting anywhere from minutes to hours, reducing my brain to splinters, & my heart cracking with the strike & boom of the lightning & thunderstorms.
A sudden turn of phrase, a snippet of song, a hard thought, dissolve in my eyes & rain down my face, choking my voice.
All the emotional fallout that’s been tucked up in my pockets since the surgery, have turned me into an occasional human hosepipe, and I can’t figure out how to stop it.
I know it’s because of the stress I’ve been under, lately. Family drama, neighbor drama, personal drama, it’s coalesced into a hard knot seated just behind my breastbone, heavy and solid.
And it’s almost impossible to talk about.
Some of the drama is not mine to tell, but I have to hang on to it, anyway, because of familial obligation.
Some of it has been rehashed over & over with friends & family, but in the end, it’s still my decision, difficult as it is.
And some of it… there’s only 2 people I can talk to about it. One of them, my nephew, I can tell, because he knows me so well, & is utterly trustworthy.
Unfortunately, the other person…well, I haven’t been able to tell, because I fear yet another disappearance.
It happens so often.
I wish I could just turn all of the emotions off.
Stop the rain of tears.