I’ve tried, I really have; but the depression has gotten a grip on me, clutching me by the throat, and choking my breath.
So many times, I’ve put myself on the line, made myself vulnerable to someone else, and it always turns up with me, curled on the floor, in the fetal position. I try to act nonchalant in front of others, telling them I’m fine, that it didn’t bother me, that it’s better this way.
But I’m not.
And I’m tired of the rejection.
I’m tired of being told that I’m not enough, or too much, or whatever the latest excuse is.
I’m tired of being ignored, ghosted out of existence, blamed for their bad behavior.
I – am tired of trying.
I’m tired of being hurt.
And still, I’m tired of being alone.
That after all the pain, I still want someone to give a shit. I still want someone to be with, to hold onto, to share time. I still want someone to care about me. I want passion, trust, laughter & fun.
I’m tired of wanting.
And I’m tired of hurting.
I need to find that switch, so I can just shut it all off.
Just let me shut it off.