I value honesty so much.
In fact, it’s one of the keystones of my personality.
Without honesty, there can be no trust. There can be no friendship, and no love.
And I’d rather be disappointed by the truth, than comforted with a lie.
If I tell you I have feelings for you (didn’t say I was in love, for fuck’s sake, just that I had feelings, even I wasn’t sure what they were at that point), & you don’t reciprocate? The truth is much less painful in the long run than “playing along till you can escape”, then ghosting me, hoping I disappear. At least with the truth, I can say “Ok, that’s not going to go anywhere, so I’ll let it go, lick my wounds, & move on to, someday, find someone who will appreciate me”; Instead of being confused by silence, hurt by being treated as though my feelings don’t matter at all , & angry at being ignored.
Without honesty, what’s the point?
I actually sought out some advice, honest & blunt, from an ex-boyfriend today, knowing that he would be just as completely & totally truthful with me as I was seeking. And I wasn’t disappointed.
I knew that, no matter what I said, or asked, “A” would tell me the absolute truth as he saw it. And it was a man’s perspective I was seeking, so he was just the one to ask. No pulling punches, no tactful, biased by our previous relationship, answers – just his honest opinion. He wouldn’t back me up if he didn’t truly feel I was right in my thinking, he would’ve called me a twit (or a reasonable facsimile thereof), & laughed at me.
But, he didn’t laugh.
And I really appreciated it.
And in my questioning, I realized that I was right about thinking that someone else’s words & actions were inconsiderate, rude, thoughtless & hurtful.
Not living up to your own word, shows that your words can’t be trusted at all.
“You do that/act like that because you’re a female”.
When I told “A” about that (supposedly joking) comment, he rolled his eyes, and seemed to be offended, as I was when I heard it myself. It shows, at least to me, a complete lack of respect for women as a whole, to label us all with one broad stroke of a tarred brush.
When I told him about the refusal on the other party’s part to even discuss the breakdown in communication I had with this other man, he basically called it childish.
“A” and I may not be in a relationship as “boyfriend & girlfriend” anymore, but at least we can communicate. No matter what, he’s always remained the same in that regard.
And, that honesty I value.