Home » anxiety » Sand

Sand

It’s been a long road, getting here.

There’ve been moments of joy. Many, glorious, beautiful moments, which seemed to pass in a blink.

There’s been pain. Crushing, heartbreaking, deep and seemingly endless, times of pain.

And, I’m tired.

Tired of being told “Stop looking for love, & it’ll find you”.

That’s a bullshit cliche’.

Tired of being alone, and knowing that at 46…it’s not an impossible thought…that there might never be someone who will care enough to want to be with me “forever”, again.

Tired of searching, & ending up hurting again, when the other person decides to take a pass, or has “commitment issues”, or just…disappears.

Tired of being told to “get out there, meet people, be social”.

I don’t do the bar scene.

I’m Pagan, so obviously, don’t attend churches.

And, after the last few debacles with dating apps…yeah, no thanks, there.

Do you have any idea how difficult it is for an introverted, 46-yr old divorced mom with anxiety to meet new people in a town where the main social scene (practically the only social scene) is the bars? 

Stop throwing cliches at me, please. 

Goddess, I’m so tired of the “buck up, little camper; there’s plenty of fish in the sea.” “Just go with the flow, live your life, have fun & love will find you.

Yes, the night is dark & full of terrors.

And some of them have taken up residence inside my head, tonight.

It’ll pass.

Like sand blowing in the wind… Like the days slipping by in my life. 

We don’t get to live forever, you see…

And eventually the sand runs out.

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