This time of year, I usually start to look inward, burrowing back into my turtle shell, & going even more introverted than normal.
(Yes, it’s possible, even with someone as non-social as me)
I’ve been exploring & studying more about the INFJ personality type, which is what I’m told I am.
And I’m learning that, I’m not “wrong”. I’m not “antisocial”. And I’m not something to be fixed.
I am fine the way I am. I like my space. I like being quiet, taking in my surroundings, listening to others more, when in a group setting, than in being talkative & social.
It’s not wrong that I don’t enjoy large crowds.
It’s not broken that I have a definite need to spend time alone to recharge after forcing myself to socialize.
It’s not sad, or tragic, or depressing that I have a small group of friends who I’m very close to, instead of a large contingent of “friendly acquaintances”.
There’s nothing broken, here, and I wish I could make certain people understand that. There’s no reason to try to change my personality or behaviors. Just because they don’t match what some think would be “better” for me.
The only person who knows what’s truly right for me is me.
But, these people who keep saying “You just need to get out there more”, & “Just be more friendly, smile more, be more of a morning person, you’ll feel better”.
No. I won’t.
That’s them, projecting what they want onto me.
That’s not me.
And I’m done placating them.
Be true to yourself. Whoever that is.
As long as your words & actions aren’t harming anyone else, then it’s not wrong.
This time of year, for me, is rather like starting from Zero. The year resets on Oct. 31, which is Pagan New Year, and I’m a clean slate.
I feel as though my emotional batteries are bottomed out, which makes me want to “turtle up” even more. I need to recharge, reset my boundaries, my goals, my baselines.
So, having others tell me that they think there are things “wrong” with how I live my life…really twists the knife, right now.
I’m not having it.
I’m not broken.
I don’t need fixing, or changing.
And I won’t apologize for being who I am, anymore.