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The First Night

The quality of the sound is different, somehow.

The sound of the absolute silence of my house, for this, the first night of me officially living alone.

OnlySon moved out on Monday.

And EldestDaughter left with her horde today.

I’ve had days & nights on my own before, sure. Plenty of them. OnlySon went practically every weekend to his father’s house. I’ve had summers without the kids since the divorce.

It’s not like I’ve never had the house to myself…

But it’s never been this official.

And a part of me feels as though I’ve been set adrift. 

Unmoored, I am not sure which direction I’m headed in now.

I no longer have children to raise.

I have no spouse or SO to share with or answer to.

Some might think this is a reason to celebrate, to cut loose & go all “Yay Me” all over the place.

But, that means…they don’t really understand who I am at my core.

I am a caretaker.

I like and thrive on having people I care about around me to share my life with, be they children, an SO, Chosen Family, you know…loved ones.

When I’m alone… 

There’s no one to care for.

And there’s no one here who cares for me…so…

What’s the sense in staying?

Time to figure out how to get gone.

3 thoughts on “The First Night

    • It’s different for me, though, Sparrow. I don’t have a boyfriend, or my parents living here in town. What I do have, is a need to find a fresh start, somewhere else, & to get as far from all the broken heartaches I’ve had here.

      It’s time to leave the past & find a new future.

      • My only thought was to communicate that I understand how it feels to be alone when the chicks have flown the coop. I can tell you from experience that having family in town, and a boyfriend, don’t make me feel any less lonely for my kids. When my house is empty except for me, it practically screams out for the lack of them. Having others in my life never changes that or makes up for it.

        A fresh start is never a bad idea. A change of surroundings and people can’t make a big difference.

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