Home » depression » An Open Letter To Joey

An Open Letter To Joey

Joey,

I don’t use real names on the blog, as a courtesy, to protect those I speak about here. 
You, however, forfeited any right to my protection when you betrayed my trust and shredded my heart.

So, you are the first person I’ve ever outed on my blog in the, oh…let’s see… 9 years I’ve been writing on it? Hope you feel so proud! What a major accomplishment.

When I asked my coworker to say “hi” to you, I really expected nothing in return. You were so cowardly 4 years ago, when you ran away from our relationship then, I honestly didn’t think you’d bother to respond this time around, so yes, it was a surprise when I got your text.

And yes, I’d forgiven you for what happened back then. Stupid of me, in hindsight, but that’s how I am. I can’t hold grudges, and I forgive people, because I figure that…somehow, I deserve to be treated like crap. I don’t know why, but I do, and always have. Maybe that’s why every relationship turns out the way it does, Because you accept what you think you deserve.

Then, YOU asked ME if I’d be willing to give a relationship between the two of us another chance. YOU started this once again. WHY?? If you were just going to bail out at the first curve in the road, what the fuck were you doing asking for another chance?

You said you wanted to take it slow. I said OK. I said, all I needed, was that you “be honest with me, & don’t shut me out”. You said “Ok, I can do that”. 

Liar.

The first chance you got, you shut me out, told me that your phone broke down, & you weren’t getting texts for 2 days. Yeah…sure, cause you wouldn’t be panicking if you didn’t hear from your kids for two days? Right. Whatever.

But, I gave you space, trying to not be “that girl”, the clingy girlfriend that people snicker about behind their hands. You wanted to take it slow, I was giving you slow & patient.

WHAT THE HELL DID YOU WANT, JOEY??

Did you do this just to break me again, you bastard?

Did you do this just to watch me fall apart?

Did you do this just to see if you still had the power to hurt me?

Well… *clapping hands in slow motion* Good. Fucking. Job. You win, asshole.

You hurt me.

Boo yah.

Fuck you.

I deserved better than this.

I deserved better than being ghosted, being dumped by someone who asked me for another chance. 

I would have given you everything I had, my love, my patience, my empathy, my understanding, my compassion. You have no idea what you gave up, because you have no fucking clue who I am anymore. 

And you’ve given up any rights to ever get to know me, ever again.

You took all of that…and ran away & hid. For what fucking reason this time, I’ll probably never know.

And now…I no longer care.

I’ve buried your name, buried our relationship, and buried any future there might have been.

This is the last time you will appear here or anywhere in my life.

You are dead…and I bury the dead, Joey.

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