It’s been a long time since I made anyone’s list of priorities.
Not you, Beloved Nephew. I know you and I are a whole other level of love.
This has to do with others in my life.
And I get it.
I’m not someone that walks across your mind a lot. I am fairly quiet, and keep to myself. I don’t go out, I’m not an extrovert with a million Facebook friends, I sit and listen, most of the time.
Doesn’t mean I’m not here.
Doesn’t mean I don’t matter.
But (dusting my hands off on my jeans as I rise from the floor) – I refuse to be anyone’s obligation. I refuse to be a hassle or a burden.
If we were supposed to do something, if you were supposed to do something with me, but forgot, and I didn’t chastise you or remind you… Don’t worry.
Disappointment is something I’m so familiar with it’s a daily flavor on the back of my tongue.
I refuse to go where I’m not wanted…so I will simply not enter.
I will be silent.
My friendship is worth something, but I won’t force it on anyone.
My feelings are worth something more, but if others don’t value them…
There’s nothing I can – or will – do about it.
I am honest about who I am.
I do not lie.
And if you cannot, or will not, put me on your list of priorities… Then I will have to walk away.
Because it hurts too much, otherwise.
I’ve sat at the bottom of too many lists to count. And the pain of knowing that everyone and everything else comes before me…
I won’t do it anymore.
I’m worth more than that.
Don’t make me do all the fucking work.
Because I won’t.