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A Reason For the Distance

There’s a reason for the distance I put between myself and others.

Why very few get through the barriers I put up, to get into the inner-most circle of trust.

Dear Coworker,

Please don’t tell me about him as though it were no big deal, as though he didn’t rip my heart from my chest and leave it in a million shattered and sharpened pieces, bleeding, on the floor, when he walked away from me without warning.

You were there when it happened, and saw what it did to me. You knew what was going on from the beginning, and that I was wary, but was willing to take one more chance.

Then, he flipped, without warning, and vanished. Again. After asking me for another chance.

You heard me, when I was sarcastic and cutting, but how else was I supposed to sound, with all of the pieces of my heart honed to razor-like sharpness? How else do I protect myself, except through my words and barriers I erect using them?

Please, don’t tell me about how you saw him, unexpectedly, out in public, and were oh, so friendly, with him, instead of asking him why he was an asshole to me (as one of my true friends would, in my humble opinion).

Please, if you want to be friends, or friendly with him, go right ahead.

But don’t bring his name to your mouth around me.

It hurts me.

Are you hurting me on purpose? Or is it just that you want to share gossip, and you think I’m one of those women who like to creep on my exes?

I’m not, and I don’t. When I close a door…it stays closed. Usually gets a lock, some nails, and maybe some barbed wire, for good measure.

There’s a reason for the distance.

And now, there’ll be more distance.

Between you and me, dear coworker.

Whether you notice it or not.

I’ll be quieter.

Less present.

Sooner or later, you’ll look up, and see – I’m no longer there.

Enjoy.

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