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Time to go

I’ve been a bit salty for the last few days.

(In reality, I’ve been dealing with a deep cycle of depression, which makes me more easily irritated…my bullshitometer is redlined)

I’ve known for a while that there’s some resentment in my office over the allergy restrictions I have. People can’t openly eat some of the things they like at their desks, nor can they wear their favorite perfumey stuff.

I get it.

I’m the wet blanket on their fireworks.

I don’t go to many of the company parties for a couple of reasons.

1. I’m an introvert who is uncomfortable in crowds. I don’t really enjoy the large get-togethers, & end up exhausted after even a few minutes.

2. I hate going to functions alone. This goes back to my introversion. If I have someone with me, I have a buffer.

3. Allergy restrictions. I never know what’s being served, & whether I’ll have a reaction. Better to stay away & avoid the pain.

I overheard a coworker talking about my allergies this morning, specifically saying my name in relation to the subject at hand.

But, this post isn’t about my allergies, really.

And, when coworkers have surgeries, grandbabies, deaths in the family, or other major life events, there is usually a card, gift basket, or something else gathered by the staff, to commemorate or commiserate the event.

None of the major events I’ve been through have been represented this way. 2 family members dying within weeks of each other, a major surgery, my best friend dying, 3 grand baby births… All ignored.

(Don’t get me twisted, I don’t begrudge anyone else what they’ve received)

And, to me, it’s not about the stuff.

It’s about the lack of consideration.

The coworkers don’t see me.

And, yes, some of this is probably because I don’t participate in the reindeer games.

I do, though, always sign the cards, & donate to the gifts.

I participate from the sidelines, & normally offer my assistance, if wanted, in person & quietly.

I know I’m appreciated by the company as an employee, but I’m not seen as a person, with valid feelings.

At least, this is what I’ve been shown.

But, all of this is to say…

I understand now.

It’s time for me to go.

If I’m neither seen, nor considered,

It’s time to leave & find a place where I am appreciated.

They’ll never even notice I’m not there.

2 thoughts on “Time to go

  1. My heart reaches out to you and the stress you’re going through both personally and professionally. Courage.

    I just joined your group and read some of the older posts. My husband and his seven siblings were born and raised in Drake. His sister Elaine Weber Bruner never left and spoke about the good doctor over and over. One of your posts mentioned a cookbook that the dear man wrote and that you would scan it for a someone who wanted one. If you did scan it would you be willing to send it to others for a price?

    Alice Weber

    • Alice, thank you for your gracious words. Doc didn’t actually write the cookbook, it was a collaboration of the folks who lived in the surrounding area, & folks who were his patients, neighbors, & friends. I’m not sure if I’d be able to scan the book now, as I no longer have the scanner. I did talk to my folks about how would it be possible to do a reprint? (They had a lot to do with compiling the recipes I to 1 place, & Dad wasn’t sure how the copyright would work. I can ask him about it tho.

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