Opposable #FlashFiction

“You’ll write what I want you to write, and that’s that, goddammit!”

Moira flinched as a meaty hand slammed the table in front of her, punctuating the sentence with a slap.

“No,” she breathed firmly, “I won’t. I’m not a smut writer, and I won’t start just because you’re threatening me. I write what I want, and kidnapping me won’t matter, you fucktard. You’ll never get what you want from me. Sick bastard.”

Moira could hear him grinding his teeth as he growled under his breath at her refusal, but she refused to cave in to his sicko demands.

She’d been here for just over 3 nights now, or 4 days…she couldn’t really tell. She knew she was underground in some kind of bomb shelter, since she could smell the musty, mildewy smell of old water on concrete, but he’d fixed the place up…almost nice.

Creepily so.

The walls were covered with faux wood panels, that had pictures and paintings hanging from them, to add some semblance of “windows”, even to having curtains hung around a few. It was – homey – and macabre, all at the same time.

The table at which she was now seated was real wood, a deep butcher’s block kitchen- style surface, ready to seat at least 6 people, but currently only holding her and an old manual typewriter, a fresh ream of paper, & a cup full of freshly sharpened Number 2 pencils.

Exactly like she’d told Author’s Gazette last month when she’d done that article about her writing habits, & her quirks about liking to have pencils on hand for the odd note-taking, twirling, putting up her hair in a bun when really getting serious, & chewing on the erasers when she got stuck on plot points.

“Alright. Well, you’ll stay here until you write what I want, then.”

************

“Are you going to write it yet?”

“No, go to hell, asshole.”

“Supper’s on the table.”

“Carrots and cheese sticks again?”

“Bologna tomorrow. You know you get meat once a week.”

“Fuck off”

“Write it.”

“Die.”

****************

“Maybe…maybe if I just… No, I can’t.  But…then he’d let me leave, right? Yeah, sure, after all this time…he’d just let me go. What, it’s been how long? How many weeks, months…ohh…god…so long…he’s never going to let me go…”

***********************

“Write it”

“Never”

“WRITE IT!! I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU!”

“THEN JUST DO IT ALREADY!”

“no”

“Then die”

“You first”

*************************

“Crunch…crunch….crunch…..”

“carrots all gone…hehe hehe…”

********

“OH GOD! What did you do!!”

The blood dripped from the table, smeared along the walls, spelling out “Never” before slumping into an indecipherable scrawl near the bed where the dead woman lay. All her fingers bitten off, strewn about on the floor and tabletop.

“No, dammit! I never got my story!”

He flipped her over onto her back, furious, noticing as he did so, that she was smiling, with her own thumb, firmly wedged in her own mouth and throat.

Well…it was an opposable thumb, after all.


Exit Strategy

Graduation approaches swiftly, & I’m heavily in planning mode.

OnlySon has his cap & gown, & is eagerly awaiting the day he can kick high school to the curb.

He has requested Texas chocolate cake (a much-beloved recipe of our family’s) for his graduation party, which will be held at my house after the ceremony.

And…it’s going to be a joint party for my son…with his father, my ex-husband.

I know the ex really only wants to do a joint party because he doesn’t want to be bothered with having to plan a party, buy the supplies, host the damned thing, clean up afterwards, yadda, yadda, yadda… It’s always been his MO, to make me do all the work when it came to this sort of thing, while taking a share of the credit. Asshat. 

He says he’s bringing a second cake (he works as a baker at a grocery store here in town, so OnlySon requesting a homemade scratch recipe has wounded his pride, I’m sure), but I know his family… I’m making 2 of my cakes, just to make sure there’s some left for my family.

All the while, my anxiety has me in heavy emergency exit-strategy mode.

Except…

How do you get away from someone when they’re at your home? And they bring their family with them? Their very loud, very confrontational, very Greek, family? (If you’re picturing My Big Fat Greek Wedding in your head…Yep, you’re seeing the right people).

If anyone gets up in my face, I’m going to have a tough time holding my cool.  I will try, for my son’s sake…

But, as I’m passing out pieces of cake, I might be tempted…

Guilty? Pleasure

Weekends are usually quiet for me, anymore. I don’t go out, unless it’s to Hellmart for groceries, & I don’t spend a lot of time on the phone. 

Well, not talking to others, anyway.

I did spend a lot of time with my phone this weekend…reading.

I’ve become quite addicted to my Kindle app.

*Gasp! Horror! Blasphemy!*

No, seriously.

I feel as though I’ve let my book-loving nerdy side down by reading books on my phone.

But I can’t stop. 

I think I burned up my battery 10 times this weekend, tearing through a whole series of digital books.

Yes, I still love read honest-to-goddess real paper books. 

But, I’m now paying for Kindle Unlimited….

And I’m not ashamed.

Well… Not really.

(For you, Youngerdaughter)

The Newest Little Monkey

Ok, so I’m a little behind with this post, but it’s not my fault.

Honest.

I have a new grandson.

Everybody say hi to Maxwell!

His Mama (EldestDaughter) calls him “Monkey”, because she says he gets this little wrinkle in his forehead when he’s thinking really hard, or confused, or working on his next magnum opus, that makes him look like a baby monkey.

He was born 2/12/2017 in Washington state, where ED is now living with her SO & Schnicklefritz.

And I didn’t get to be there.

*sniffle*

But, he’s healthy, happy, & adjusting to life on the outside, according to all accounts, which is all I can ask for.

I DO get to see them all when they’ll come home for OnlySon’s graduation in May.

*BIG YAY & high five!*

So, for now, I have to survive without baby snuggles & will live vicariously through texted pictures & a recently set up weekly Skype date.

And, I’ll have to revamp my ABCs I wrote when Schnicklefritz was born, & tailor some much-needed “Gramma wisdom” for this newest addition to the zoo.

*I feel a challenge coming on*

For now, here’s some pictures I’ve wheedled out of my daughter!

Who is this person holding me? A brother, you say? Ok, I’ll start working on my “little brother pestering” skill set now.

Here’s this “big brother” person again… Are you sure he needed to follow us home, Mom?  Well, at least he seems to like me somewhat, so maybe this could work.

You know, I’m not too sure about this whole “being outside” thing, Mom & Dad…couldn’t I have just stayed where I was? I was kinda comfy there.

No snark…just awwwwwwwwwe…

*sniffle* 

I wanna snuggle him!

Lunchtime Laughter

My Onlyson’s cat, Chloe, provided me with a much-welcomed dose of laughter today at lunch.

As I was preparing my lunch, our 2 cats came into the kitchen. They always seem to think that they have to eat when I do, so as I’m getting out my food & utensils, Chloe attempts to jump up on the counter where their food is. (Separate from my food counter, thanks)

I say “attempted”, because she failed, spectacularly. Here’s the set up:

Lidded garbage can sits in front of litter box, & both are next to the counter. Cat usually jumps from floor to garbage can, then to counter.

Cat fails to get all 4 paws on counter  at conclusion of second jump.

Cat scrabbles at counter, desperately holding on for feline life, even with front claws, cannot maintain grip.

Cat falls ass-first into litter box.

Human stands, watching, & general hilarity ensues.

The look of sheer horror on Chloe’s face as she slid closer & closer to falling completely was hilarious.

The face of utter disgust & humiliation on her face when her tush hit the litter (and the clumps kept within the box) was PRICELESS.

Immediate feline exit stage right.

Of course, a couple of minutes later, she thinks I’ve forgotten all about her debacle, so comes back to the kitchen to try again. This time she jumps directly from floor to counter, bypassing the offending garbage can she blames for her earlier failure.

I didn’t forget.  I just wanted a picture…

Now she hates me, too.

Witnesses die in their sleep all the time, right?

Anyone want a humiliated cat?

It’s That Time Again

The full moon is right around the corner.

Know how I know?

Stuff keeps going missing.

Little things, like my fingernail clipper, and my ear buds for my phone, a small ziploc baggie of hematite rings, & a stretchy headband I wear when I work out.

Now, I know I’ll find these things sooner or later, tucked under a chair, or peeking out from under one of the blankets on my bed, or maybe when I move the couch to mop this weekend.

And how do I know this?

Take a close look…

Those are teeth marks on that emery board.

Every month, right around the full moon, this happens.

The culprit?

Yes, Sally Jane. You. Don’t try to pawn me off with that “Who me?” look.

Psycho.

Dirty Fingernails

I…do not have a green thumb.

They’re more of a washed-out khaki color, with tiny, green, oddly-shaped spots. 

I’ve tried the houseplant route, but I have cats. Cats are jerks, especially when it comes to houseplants. At least mine are, when they dig in the pot’s dirt and scatter it over the countertops. And they’re murderous asshats when they take a perfectly good aloe vera & turn it into a multi-holed sprinkler hose. And don’t even think about having flowers for long, as they make a tasty treat that is also a handy place for that loose fur that brushes neatly off as the cats use the petals as their back brush.

I’ve had some small successes, however.

My pumpkins are blooming!

This is the first year I’m trying this variety, which is called “Pink Peanut”, and I planted them in a raised flowerbed in front of my house, so I’m surprised & pleased that they’re doing as well as they are.

I also have a flowerbed lining my driveway.

The “weedy” looking stuff to the left is actually wild flax, which blooms in the morning, & loses its petals in the afternoon. The purple stuff is echinacea, otherwise known as purple coneflower. There are tulips in there, too, but they bloom in late May, so are hidden again for the year.

But…sadly, my skills seem to be limited to gourds & wildflowers, as here’s my other flowerbed, in which I planted my Forever Susan lilies. They did great this year, but the rest of what I tried to grow…well… Take a look.

Mostly baby weeds, and 2 – mind you, 2 little lettuce plants. *sigh* I seeded the whole rest of the flowerbed with leaf lettuce, and – alas. Not a salad in sight.

So, maybe I should try seeding this flowerbed with dandelions & call it good.

After all, you can eat the leaves in salad. And I’ve already proven I can grow weeds!