Fire at My Fingertips

It seems I’ve decided over the last couple of months to completely rearrange my life.

I’ve been seeing Ravens everywhere online, and the local equivalent, crows, in the skies, on the ground, in the trees. It was more, to me, than a mere coincidence.

It was the Morrighan calling.

Warrior Goddess, she who stands at the forefront of the battle. Those who stand unafraid before her gain strength from her touch. 

I do not fear my own death, I fear only my cowardice should I falter in the face of a loved one’s pain.

I started listening to what Morrighan had to teach me. To stand up for myself, which I have a hard time doing. To stop putting my needs first in my life, above everyone else’s wants. To cut away the things in my life that were no longer furthering my goals & dreams, but were, in fact, keeping me from reaching those very things.

And, changes started to immediately occur.

I dyed my hair black. Not a huge deal, but it made a big difference in how I see myself in the mirror, and it’s about perception.

I got serious about getting into shape. I work out now 4-5 nights a week, eat better, & have lost almost 20lbs. I’m starting to feel really good again, and I’m not done.

I’ve changed/dropped a couple of relationships with people that I can no longer maintain for various reasons. Not necessarily good or bad, in and of themselves, but necessary to make the changes I need for my life.  (Ok, yes, one of the relationships was causing me more harm than good, & my whole family, as well as my friends, were all glad when I told them I ended things for good this week. He’s still being persistent, & I’m not sure how things will play out in the end, but I took the first step.)

All of this has happened since I started seeing the ravens…

There’s fire at my fingertips, raven feathers in my hair, & the Morrighan walks at my side, whispering in my ear.

Embrace the flames.

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Faith, Hope and Magick

The shower is a good place for me to think deeply. It seems to “wash away” the flotsam & jetsam of the day, clearing my mind… or, at least, focusing it, on whatever I’m trying to work out.

Tonight, for some reason, I while standing under the spray if the warm water, I started thinking about Magick. 

Yeah, okay, I’m a Pagan Witch, so Magick is part of my life on the regular. But, I don’t actually do a lot of spells, at least the way most people think of them.  I shift energy occasionally, putting good, positive energy into things I do, like cooking, or my crafting; even cleaning around the house gets a happy dose of “white light”, to keep the home feeling pleasant & welcoming. 

I use stones for focusing my energy transfers, too, but normally, only for myself. Like for healing, or meditation, or just for centering & focusing myself to regain calm during an anxious period.  I also keep a stone on my desk for focus while at work.

And, I’m good at getting red lights to turn green when I really need to get somewhere…

But, that’s usually the extent of it.

But, that’s not really the point of my post tonight.

My point, short story long…

I recently read some comments on a post in a Pagan group I belong to. Someone was asking for information about stones & their magickal properties, and one commenter got really shirty about saying that “Stones don’t do anything – they’re just rocks. You should use essential oils or herbs instead.”

And a bell went off in my head.

Of course stones don’t work for that person…they don’t have any Faith in it. They have no Hope. Therefore, their Magick will always fail.

One of the first things I learned in NY early training was that you have to believe.

YOU have to have Hope that the Magick will work to attempt a spell, then you have to have Faith that everything will happen the way it’s supposed to. If that means your money spell will see you winning $20 playing the lottery, or getting ok’d for overtime for a larger paycheck, then it works. If your love spell causes a stray cat or dog to follow you home, & you end up with a new pet, or you fall head over heels in love with your soul mate, that works too. And, if you do a spell that doesn’t seem to work, maybe the time wasn’t right for it, or maybe it was going to cause you to fall for someone abusive, so it was blocked by a higher power. Maybe you can’t have pets where you live, so instead of taking in a stray, you take it to the local shelter.

Any who, my point is – to do Magick…real, powerful, life-improving Magick… You MUST have both Hope & Faith. 

You don’t have to be Pagan to work Magick. You don’t have to light incense, or stir potions, or chant, or have “all the right tools”.

You just have to believe you can, you have to direct your will, and you have to accept the consequences, whatever they are.

Without Hope and Faith, Magick cannot exist.

Catching Up, Letting Go, & Shoveling Through

Got into an argument on the internet, today. 

Yeah, I know, it’s pointless, irritating & inflammatory to argue with strangers on the internet…but he pissed me off. 

It was in a pagan group, & he was busily invalidating people’s beliefs, so I spoke up & told him off. 

Politely, and with facts.

The subject was Wicca, & he was running his fingers, telling everyone that the only TRUE Wiccan was HIS type of Wiccan.

I pointed out to him that there are many valid paths, not just his, & he got condescending…which, you know, just calms me right down, because who doesn’t like being talked down to?

When I pointed out to him that Lutherans, Baptists, Methodists, Episcopalians, Presbyterians, etc., were just as Christian as the Catholics, even though they’d split from the Holy Roman Catholic Church years ago, he totally ignored that, & spouted that I just don’t understand what true initiation is.

Someone get him some Kool-Aid, wouldja? Jim Jones wants to visit with him.

So, I dropped the mic on the conversation & left the thread. 

Let it go. Trolls shouldn’t be fed, I wasn’t going to get him to understand that he’s just as bad as the fundie Xtians who think all of us Pagans are going to hell, & I just get all riled up with no resolution.

Time to do something a little more constructive.

Like baking cookies. Chocolate chip are all baked & ready to go on Monday. Snickerdoodles are waiting to be mixed next, & they go in the fridge overnight, so I need to get on that.

I also need to shovel my front sidewalk, but that’s not happening anymore to right. Maybe tomorrow…maybe I’ll wait till my neighbor decides he’s sick of looking at it & clears it for me with his 4-wheeler…

I also need to get busy on Yule gifts & a custom Xmas order my mom wants for a family member.  Trees…trees, trees, lots of little wire trees. Nothing I Can show you till  after the holiday season, since they’re all going to be gifts, but I will post pictures then.

Annnd, I’m almost done painting inside my house for now. The living room & dining room/office/gym/ferretarium are painted, & most of the hallway is finished, with only the trim at ceiling & floor, & around doors is left. Touchups, really, then I’m done for now. I’ve got some demolition to do in the kitchen before I can paint in there.  I’ll post pictures of the finished painting as soon as it’s all done. I’m rather proud of having done it by myself. I love the soft grey color that seems to shift throughout the day with how the light hits it. Sometimes it’s just grey, sometimes it looks more blue, sometimes more lavender, but always clean, soft, & comforting. 

There, now you’re caught up. 

Time to go mix cookies…

Thor’s Protection

I’m not a follower of the Northern Viking pantheon, but this last weekend, I prayed to Thor for protection for my nephew, who was in the path of Hurricane Matthew.

I found this online at http://www.northern paganism.org , and felt very strongly that I was heard, & His blessing of protection was granted.

I will be doing a ritual of thanks this upcoming Thursday, which is the name given to “Thor’s Day”.

Thunder rolls, lightning strikes,

And the hammer flies across the sky.

 

God of the weather, chariot of the storm,

Master of rain and torrents,

Son of the strength of Mother Earth,

I ask you to grant me that strength for myself.

You who are so great that you cannot walk

Across the Rainbow Bridge without breaking it,

You whose tree is the mighty oak,

O Thunor, grant me that unending sturdiness.

Let me not break beneath the blows of misfortune.

Keep me from being crushed when the powerful

Stomp their large feet on the smaller ones below.

You who are the guardian of the common man,

You who care for the farmers and workers,

Look upon me here in this place where I am

Only one of many, and protect my steps.

Make me resilient and mighty as your own arm,

Make me unbreakable, you who are Friend of Man.

I ask for one small percentage of the vigor

Of the right arm of the Thunderer,

That I might brave the tempest

And stand firm in the gales.

 

Thunder rolls, lightning strikes,

And the hammer flies across the sky.

Peak Hours

Anxiety is so bad right now. 

Random pains are causing aches & spasms in muscles that shouldn’t be hurting.

Heart is racing, breathing is fast & uncomfortable. It actually hurts to draw breath, & I know I’m not inhaling deeply enough, but can’t seem to regulate it myself.

Hands & feet itch & twitch, restless & irritating. 

Why?!?

I can’t pinpoint the reason for this slow-building panic attack. It just keeps getting worse as the evening goes on.

Please, Goddess, let this be the peak of my anxiety, so I can see the other side, sloping down & away. Please let me be on the downhill slide of this.

I’m not into extended adrenaline rushes.

I just want to sleep, but know it won’t happen till I can calm myself somewhat.

Time for some external assistance.

Blessed Kwan Yin, hear my plea.

Calm and serene, comfort me.

Mother of Mercy, hold me still

Peace surrounds, by your will

Loving Goddess, I ask this now

Heal my soul, your child by vow.

Just a Prayer

Goddess gracious,  good and wise
Grant me farseeing and open eyes
Grant my ears the truth to hear
And a strong back to face my fears

Give me wisdom,
And a loving heart
And the courage to let go
When it’s time to depart

All these things I ask of thee
So I may serve others
As your nature’s child
So mote it be.

A Work in Progress

My parents told me, when I was born, that I was perfect.

But I wasn’t.

I was, instead, a perfectly formed container of pure potential.

Potential to succeed – potential to fail.

Potential to grow, potential to wither.

And it was up to me to use this potential.

I was a work in progress.

They say that I was formed by my surroundings.

To a certain extent, that is true.

We are, all of us, affected by every single thing that happens to and around us throughout our lives.  The people we come into contact with, change us irrevocably, and forever.  As we change them.

And, as the human animals that we are, we are also affected by the things that exist within us, as well.  Instinct, honed by millions of years of evolution, have created a race of beings with the potential for greatness.  Whether great joy, or great tragedy – is completely up to us as a species.  Personal emotions and ideas form the way we interact with the world, aside from the “trained responses” that are part of society and parenting, pushing us to make decisions either for gain or for loss.

And we make mistakes.

I know I do.

Sometimes, out of frustration, or anger, or some other strong, passionate emotion, I will say things that I will later regret.  I have done things in the past that I am not so proud of.  People I’ve hurt, including myself, have been affected by my words, my actions, in ways that I cannot truly comprehend.

Sometimes, I don’t live up to my potential.  I fall down, as the imperfect being that I am.  I stumble and give way to the instinctual “flight or fight” responses that every living, sentient species has within them.  I can be angry, and depressed, and occasionally petty or small-minded. 

I can, however, also be filled with joy, and laughter and genuine helpfulness, caring and compassion for my fellow earth-dwellers.

Be patient with me, please. 

I am a work in progress.

And in the future, there will be times when I will stumble, because I’m not perfect. 

But I have potential.

And I know, this may sound strange – coming from someone who follows the Wiccan faith – but the words are strong in their potential, and carry their own weight, no matter who speaks them.

“Forgive us our trespasses, as We forgive those who trespass against us.”

If I have harmed you in the past, I apologize.  I will endeavor to keep myself from causing harm in the future, but I cannot guarantee perfect success.  I will endeavor to live up to my potential, to work at becoming more than I am today.  I will strive.

We are all of us imperfect beings – full of perfect potential.

Works in Progress.