My Uncle Jeff passed away last night.
His son, my cousin Cody, passed away August 1st.
Once again, I will not be able to go to the funeral, because it’s 13 hours away. Also, my ElderDaughter & her family are coming this weekend to visit.
My head is a mess.
I’m glad I’ll get to see my grandbabies, EldestDaughter, her husband “Moose”, & her friend who’s traveling with them.
But my heart is also in shreds, after losing yet another family member to cancer. Father and son, both gone within weeks of each other.
“At least he’s not suffering anymore”…they say
My head knows this is true.
My heart just wants to stop the pain.
My mom couldn’t even call me to tell me today, she texted me the news.
He was her baby brother.
My thoughts are so random and disjointed.
And I still have to clean house before the kids get here tomorrow night.
It doesn’t help that my water heater started leaking on Sunday, so I had to have a new one installed yesterday.
Another expense I can’t really afford…
Which just means that even if the kids weren’t coming this weekend, I still wouldn’t have been able to go to Iowa for the funeral.
I just can’t deal right now.
And yet, here I sit, again, trying to get through another pain-filled night by myself. I just really need someone to fucking hug me & tell me it will get better.
Just for a minute.
I want someone to comfort me, instead of always having to try to get through it alone.
I miss my family, but there’s no way to fix it.
I wish I could be there for my Aunt & my other cousins, but I can’t go.
I want to run.