The United Colors of Netflix

I’ve been obsessed with foreign places for the last few months.

Oh hell, for the last few years!

Ok, for most of my life.

There, truth at last, satisfied?

I, a small-town born, Midwest farm-raised, mostly sheltered all my life woman, am intrigued, and absolutely fascinated, with far-away places.

And, I’ve found a way to sate some of this yearning for travel through the wonders of… duh du du Dah! NETFLIX!

Yes, Netflix.

“China Revealed”. “Miss Granny”. “Empresses in the Palace”. Visions of cherry blossoms, silk kimono, and Buddhist temples, right in my living room.

“Queen” was the flavor and flair of this evening. Instead of China or Japan, tonight I chose India as my entertainment meal. Sort of a Hindi “Eat, Pray, Love”, without Julia Roberts, but with some smashing music and subtitles.  I highly recommend it if you’re looking for something uplifting, and don’t mind reading while you watch the action.

Who knows what’s up next for me, where I’ll be when next I sit down to spend some time with far-off strangers?

Actually travelling is not an option for me at this point in life…

So, I salute you from amidst these United Colors of Netflix.

I’ll be watching!

1~4~3 (Poetry Repost)

Those. Words.

Once said

Cannot be unsaid

And

can be rejected

or ridiculed

Once burned

Twice burned

Three times you’re out

One word

One letter

To implicate myself

One word

Four letters

A leap of faith

One word

Three letters

Do I say it out loud

Will you hear me?

Or is my whisper only in my head?

1~4~3….

Dreamweaver

A symphony of sound, light, colors and movement, floating through a world seemingly without end, willing or not – we all dream eventually.
Dreams hold us all in their sway at some point.  Not knowing if we’re dreaming or awake, the images so vivid – so realistic – and sometimes… so terrifying.

I believe that most of the time, dreams are little more than our own brain’s way of dealing with all the stuff that is going on around us, every day.  It’s the culmination of the GIGO effect (Garbage In – Garbage Out).  All the information that you’ve had to deal with throughout the day, is revisited while you sleep.  Mashed up, and presented in a form that you identify with, it’s played out during your slumbers.

Either to delight, puzzle, or terrify you.

These dreams are more likely to be forgotten, or not remembered at all, once you awaken for the day.  It’s not that bad, your brain worked through the stuff it needed to, and you can now go on about your business.  And usually, you’ll feel better about a situation, or have an answer to a question that was puzzling you, or – if the dream was fear-inducing… you’ll be more alert and aware of what’s going on in that given situation.  It’s all good.

But – then there are the dreams that simply won’t leave you alone.

The ones that will wake you up out of a hard sleep – sweating, shaking, crying, or in more extreme cases, jumping out of bed, swinging at an invisible foe.

And the dreams that are so vivid, and so super-realistic, that you can’t forget them when you wake up.  These are the dreams that you want to lay back down and fall right back into them.  And that almost never works, so you end up sad/frustrated.

Some dreams are not just recycled garbage, waiting to be processed into something new and useful.

Some dreams are messages.

Whether from your own subconscious, or from an outside source, these dreams linger.  They haunt and stalk you.  Every time you close your eyes, night after night, for weeks on end, it’s the same thing… maybe there are small changes, but the root plot doesn’t alter its course. 

Sometimes it feels as though they hunt you.  Waiting for you to fall asleep, they lurk, ever in the shadows of your brain… and when you finally settle comfortably into the sleep/dream cycle… BAM!  There they are.

I’ve been having some of those lately.

I’m not quite sure what they mean… but I’m listening.  I’m aware, even if I’m not awake.

Sweet dreams.

Time Left?

I received an email one day, and held onto it.  I decided today was a good time to share.

Don’t Let the Moments Pass

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven’t thought about it, don’t have it on their schedule, didn’t know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.

I got to thinking one day about all those people on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back.  From then on, I’ve tried to be a little more flexible..

How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn’t suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed?  Does the word ‘refrigeration’ mean nothing to you?

How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched ‘Jeopardy’ on television?

I cannot count the times I called my sister and said , ‘How about going to lunch in a half hour?’ She would gas up and stammer, ‘I can’t..  I have clothes on the line.  My hair is dirty.  I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain’  And my personal favorite:  ‘It’s Monday.’ She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.

Because people cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule our headaches.  We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect!

We’ll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Tommy toilet-trained.  We’ll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet.  We’ll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.

Life has a way of accelerating as we get older.  The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer.  One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of ‘I’m going to,’ ‘I plan on,’ and ‘Someday, when things are settled down a bit.’

When anyone calls my ‘seize the moment’ friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips.  She keeps an open mind on new ideas.  Her enthusiasm for life is contagious.  You talk with her for five minutes, and you’re ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Rollerblades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.

My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years.  I love ice cream.  It’s just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process.  The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-Decker.  If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.

Now…go on and have a nice day.  Do something you WANT to…not something on your SHOULD DO list. If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say?   And why are you waiting?

Make sure you read this to the end; you will understand why I sent this to you.

Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round or listened to the rain hitting the roof?  Ever followed a butterfly’s erratic flight or gazed at the sun into the fading night?  Do you run through each day on the fly?  When you ask ‘How are you?’  Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head?  Ever told your child, ‘We’ll do it tomorrow.’ And in your haste, not see her sorrow?  Ever lost touch?  Let a good friendship die?  Just call to say ‘Hi’?

When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift….Thrown away…. Life is not a race. Take it slower.  Hear the music before the song is over.

Show your friends how much you care.  Don’t let the moments pass you by.

Don’t let your time left, be left – unlived.

Sixteen

Move through your days as though someone you love is always watching.  Who do you want them to see you being?

I’ve given this line a lot of thought.

It’s something that came to me a while ago, and I’ve used it on myself plenty of times.

Pick someone, anyone, in your life whose opinion matters to you.

Then imagine what you would look like through their eyes.

When you did that, what would they have thought?  Would they smile, frown, be puzzled, or angry?  When you said that, would they agree, disagree, cry, or be glad they know you?

If it was your child, would you want them repeating that?  Sometimes parents forget (yes, me too) that their children learn what they witness their parents doing.  Good behavior, bad behavior, off-the-wall, goofy behavior.  If Mom and Dad do it, it must be ok, right?

If it’s your parents, would they be proud of how you are standing up straight?  Walking with your head held high, or upset that you’re hunched over, hiding who you really are?

If it’s that “special someone” would they smile, and tell you that you look beautiful/sexy/happy today?  Or would they worry that you’d been dragged through the bushes behind a runaway horse… backwards?

If it’s the Goddess/God that you’re imagining watching over you, checking on your progress through your day, would you want them to smile and say “That’s my boy/girl!”  Or would they be shaking their heads saying “Maybe next lifetime… poor sucker”?

I know, that sometimes I get so lost inside my own head, I forget to be mindful of how I’m perceived by others.  Not that I’m trying to conform, or fit into anyone else’s box of expectations for me…

But that I want to be the best possible version of the honest me that I can.

And if that special someone was watching me, right now, I’d want him to be impressed.

And so, I say to myself… “Move like you mean it… someone’s watching.”

The In-Between Time

Right now, today and tomorrow… the whole weekend, really – is a space of “in-between” time.  A “Time-Out” from the world, from the year, from everything.  It’s the universe taking a deep breath between 2011 to 2012… in a way – both and neither.

Robert Fulghum, one of my favorite writers of all time, posted about this on his blog, and it really struck a chord with me today.

There are times, when we all need a Time-Out. 

Time to not “be in charge”.  Time to step back, slouch a little, galumph along through your day in jammies and slippers, ratty hair and no makeup.

Time to indulge yourself in a little self-absorption and inner reflection.

Suspended in this neither-nor time, you can do whatever you want, or nothing at all. 

Sitting on this cusp between now and then, here and there, you can take this time to breathe, relax and not worry about what happens next.  With our planet swinging out there in the blackness of the galaxy, does it really matter if you don’t leave the house for a few hours, get the groceries today or tomorrow, brush your teeth or comb your hair?  The planets will continue to spin, the sun will continue to burn, and the black vastness of space will continue to be a sucking vacuum,  so you don’t need to run yours to prove you’re busy.  Let the universe do that for you today.

Relax.  Take a Time-Out.

After all, you made it through the year – you’ve earned it.

 

Inward Bound

As the year draws to a close, and the weather starts to slide into the subarctic regions again, I turn in, to reflect upon myself.

It’s a natural, and unconscious thing for me, to start to become more introverted, introspective, as it gets colder, and the days get shorter.

I’m not sure if it has to do with the length of the days, or the amount of sunshine I don’t get everyday as winter draws ever closer.  It could be just that this is, for me, the time of year when I watch the world yawn, stretch out, and fall into a season-long slumber.  It could be the sense of isolation that is brought down from the sky with the hush of snow, and the sharp warning of slippery ice on the roads. 

Since I’m not big on the outdoor winter sports, I am usually found, indoors, finding quieter activities to keep me busy.  Writing, cleaning, working on my various art projects while I watch movies or listen to music in the background.

Whatever the cause, whatever the result, this is the cusp of my season of “navel-gazing”.  There are bound to be more philosophical posts coming… possibly less of the mundane, “everyday stuff” posts. 

The pool is deep, the water is warmed, and I am ready to sink into it.

Inward bound.

Some Things Change

Like the leaves on the trees, shifting from brilliant green, lush and full, to copper, gold, amber, scarlet, dropping from above to carpet the landscape in rich jewel-tones.  Some things change.  Beautiful while it lasts, but once it falls, it’s the death-knell of a season.  You know that the changes are coming, some good, some bad.  Both inevitable, to a certain extent.  Your view of your surroundings shifts as well, and you are allowed larger glimpses of the sky above, with the overhead foliage drifting slowly down around you.

Some things change.

Some do not.

The tree, although slowly being shed of its emerald cap, still stands.  Stripped of its protective covering, it lifts its bare branches to the sky in defiance of the climate surrounding it, enduring through the cold, harsh winter.  Strong, with roots sunk deep in the soil beneath, drawing its nourishment from every available source to continue, to persevere, to bend with the wind, but not to break.  Waiting for the next spring, when the sun returns, and it warms the earth beneath the tree’s base once again, sending a new flood of life soaring through to the very sky overhead.

Some things will never change.

But happily, some things do.

The Me List

There are a lot of things about me that people know.  I’m pretty open on this blog, and have talked ad nauseum about my childhood and growing up.

But there are also a lot of things people don’t know.

Here’s just a few.

1.  I have a fascination with tar.  My dad has always hated when people snap and pop gum, and when my brother and I were little, he brought home some fresh tar and let us chew it like gum.  I actually got to the point where I liked the taste and feel of it in my teeth.  And now, even after all these years, when I smell fresh tar, it takes me back to my childhood, and my dad’s strangeness.

2.  I used to pretend all the time.  When I had to clean my room or wash dishes, I was Cinderella, when I was up in my favorite tree, I was a bird or fairie, waiting to take flight, when I was on my horse, I was on some long adventure, riding over undiscovered ground.  I had a million imaginary friends over the years, and I can still remember them coming over for tea parties, helping me clean, and seeking to rescue me from my tower (at the top floor of our house).

3.  I also used to pretend that I was adopted.  Not that that’s a strange thing for a lot of kids.  I’m sure most kids that had a sibling growing up used to wish at times that they were adopted, or that the other one was, just so they could say “ha!  You’re not really my brother, anyway, so there!”  I know, of course, that I am my parents’ child, though, in so many ways.  It’s frightening, sometimes!

4.  I’ve never tried illegal drugs in my life.  Not just because they’re illegal, but mainly because I could never let go of enough control of my life, my body, to risk it.  I was always afraid I’d be that one case, where I’d freak out, or die from a heart attack the instant I consumed something illicit.  But I used to hang out with the kids that did do drugs.  And maybe that was one of the reasons why I didn’t.  Watching them… wow.  Life lesson definitely learned.

5.  Continuing on the serious note… there are times when I’m terrified that I’ll never find someone to grow old with.  Someone who’ll send me flowers for no reason at all, or who’ll light up just because they see me.  I’ve told friends that I know how to be happy alone, but that I don’t want to be alone forever.  It’s true.  I’m still looking.  But there is someone who could be… maybe… possibly… and it’s probably not the one who those of you who know me, think it is.  If that convoluted sentence makes any sense, whatsoever.

6.  I suck at goodbyes.  All types.  It’s hard to explain, so I’m not going to.  Not today.

7.  I have a “blood spot” on my right iris.  This is from my brother shoving a rake handle in my eye when I was just a kid, by accident.  He cried harder than I did when we went into the house to get Mom’s help. 

8.  I am still ticklish, but I lie about it to keep people from tickling me all the time.  I used to be extremely ticklish, but worked hard on training myself not to react.  So now, most people think there’s only one place where I’m ticklish.  But that’s just the one spot I can’t help but react to.  And no, I’m not going to tell you where, except to say it’s on my back.

9.  There are a lot of times where the strange twists of my mind even baffle me.  So I simply chuckle to myself, and don’t say what I’m thinking out loud.  It’s just too weird.

10.  I honestly believe that my grandfather, Merle, is my guardian.  I am so utterly entranced by any information I can get about him.  Even though I never knew him, my mom barely even knew him, because he died when she was so little, I’m still gripped by an unknown feeling that he’s with me, all the time.  I wish I’d known him.  But then again, I feel like I do.  Somewhere in my heart, I know him very well.

Ok, so enough about me for now.  Maybe I’ll do this again, later.  We’ll see.

What are some things about you that I don’t know?

The Depot’s Lost and Found

 

Heart on the line, I’d tell the truth

If ever you would ask it,

I’d give it up, without a doubt

Presented in a basket

I”ve waited long, regretted much

For a chance to speak my mind

Even arguments have more spark, more life

Than any I’ve yet to find.

But time has passed, without a word

Of hope, or outstretched hand,

Confused in mind, tangled emotion

Not knowing where I stand.

Come claim this heart I offer now

For I won’t do so again,

If left, it is, at the Depot’s Lost and Found

I will not wait in vain.

My heart can’t sit, just on a hook

Left in disregard or disdain

If I must, I’ll take my chances

And I will get on that train.