Healing, Energy, & Love (or Why I Spent My Morning Stoned)

OhmyGoddess today was so much Fun!

Fun-sized Coworker, Betty, (not her real name, but a nickname she’ll recognize)  and I went to a holistic healing & psychic fair at a hotel here in town today! And it was a BLAST! 

There were vendors there who ran the gamut from tarot reading to auric photography, to energy healing, to essential oils, and yes, my personal favorite and Achilles heel… STONES.

Ahmigad…

STOOONNNEES…..

I’m such a rock nerd.

I bounced back & forth between the 2 different stone vendors, who set up on opposite ends of the venue, & wanted to buy out the lot. My fingers twitched every time I got near the tables, my ears tingled, my brain melted, & I fought the urge to spend every last cent I had on me on pretty pretty precious…..

I did end up with a stone chip necklace, a stone pendant, & a loose stone, all different types, & restrained myself from emptying the coffers further, oh…but the willpower it took… Oof.

We also attended 3 of the lectures they had there, which were all really interesting, & I wish we could have had more time with each of the speakers. Half an hour per session simply flew by!

I’ll tell you, whatever was going on there? It was all positive, because I felt wonderful all morning. Strong, and yes…dare I say it? Freakishly normal. 

OK. Here’s what I mean by that statement.

My anxiety has been bad for the last few months. I’ve had to add an additional dose to my morning routine on an everyday basis for about the last 6 months, bringing my total dosage up to 2&1/2 pills total throughout the day (I break them in half & take a half every 2 to 4 hours)

My dosage schedule on a normal day is as follows: 8, 10, 2, 6, 10. (Yes, mornings are harder than afternoons -why? Not a morning person. That’s why.)

Today?

I took my 1st morning dose…and promptly forgot about the damn things till I got back from grocery shopping… A full HOUR after leaving the healing fair, which means I skipped at least 2 other doses without noticing.

Now – on a regular day? I would be a shaking, tense, choking mess, with a heart rate of about 250, & a visible vibration going on under my skin. My skin would be flushed & hot, & I would have broken out in blisters at this point.

Today? 

I didn’t notice till I got home, & started to feel the drag on my nerves. I took my next dose, & I’m fine, but that’s not my point.

The energy at this fair was wild.

And, I remembered how much I missed it. Energy work. I’m going to be getting back into that, bet your sweet bippy on that one.

Another thing I learned today… Was about clearing your Karma from past lives & from this life. But I think I’ll save that for another post, as it’s going to take more room…and significantly more willingness on my part to actually do it. Feh. 

All in all…today was a HUUUGE day of lessons, and was exactly where I needed to be. I’ve got a lot to think about now, a lot to learn, to research & read…

And a whole hell of a lot of soul searching and self-ego-burning to do.

I cannot let myself fall into Gollum’s trap of greed & selfishness. I have to learn to truly let go, in order to free myself.

And that’s going to fucking hurt.

Lessons Learned.

My friend, Mckenzie had a great idea today.  Now that it’s coming down to the last few days of the year, it’s time to look back on what I’ve learned.

Here’s my list:

1.  You can teach your kids, you can try to guide them, and in the end, they will do what they want – no matter what you say.  This is a natural progression of life, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

2.  When you meet people that make you feel better about yourself, say thank you, and appreciate them.  NEVER take them for granted, or they’ll go away again.

3.  Give back when you can.  Even if it’s just a little.  Every little bit helps.

4.  Pay it forward when you can.  Even if it’s just a little.  Every little bit helps.

5.  Just because you share some of the same DNA, doesn’t make them any more special than those you choose to be with.  Blood is not always thicker than the alternative.

6.  You need to find a reason to get out of bed every morning.  It won’t always just happen.

7.  Stop saying “someday, I’ll”.  Do it, or at least – Try. 

8.  Keeping things bottled up, causes explosions, often at the most inopportune time.

9.  The people that love you truly, will always love you – truly.

10.  Giving yourself a hard time is truly a waste of time, other people will happily do it for you.

11.  Your faith is yours.  It’s personal, and it should be that way.

12.  Life really is short. 

13.  So make memories whenever you get the chance.

14.  Make sure that the people you love, know it.  Say it.  Out loud.  To them.  Often.

15.  Reading can be the perfect temporary escape.

16.  Shit happens.

17.  Shit also washes off.

18.  It’s not about how fast you get to the finish line, or how may toys you bring with you, it’s about enduring through the marathon, and simply making it.

19.  Mindfulness doesn’t mean you always have to be happy, it just means you must be aware.  Be present.

20.  Balance is temporary.  So is chaos.  It keeps things interesting enough to stay awake.

21.  You’re allowed to not be happy. 

22.  Emotions are there for a reason.  Acknowledge them, figure out why you’re having them, and be honest about them.  You’ll be better off. 

23.  Leave room for laughter.

24.  Sometimes, the best thing you can give your kids, is space.

25.  Leave a night-light on.  It can get awfully dark some nights.

The Lesson of Pride

Narcissus was a youth that was full of pride in himself.  He was so prideful that the Gods cursed him.  The curse was one that caused him to fall in love with that which was unattainable – his own reflection.  He pined away, staring into his own eyes.

The lesson in this legend is that neither should you be too proud, thinking yourself better than others; and that you should not blindly seek to attain love from those that will not return it to you.  Both are damaging, and will result in nothing but pain.

I had part of this lesson opened up to me today. 

I believe that I wrote about being asked to officiate at another wedding, this one to take place on Halloween/Samhain.  I was, and last night, I was scheduled to meet with the couple to talk about the ceremony, and get all the particulars.

Well, the evening didn’t go as planned at all. 

I went to the restaurant to meet with them, and waited.  And waited.  For 20 minutes, I sat there.  I tried to contact them by the phone number that I’d been given, but it had been disconnected.  And they didn’t contact me by the e-mail address that I’d given, either.  I was angry, and slightly embarrassed.  After all, here I’d sat in the entryway of the restaurant for 20 minutes, by myself, didn’t get seated, and ended up walking out, again, by myself. 

Stood up.  Jilted.  Disrespected. 

Me.  An ordained minister, a professional (cause, you know, I’ve already done 2 official weddings and a handfasting, for Pete’s sake!)

I’m special.

I had plenty of help in this prideful notion today, too, when I told the women in my office how I’d been stood up by the couple that wanted to get married.  And they better have a damn good reason for it if they still wanted me to do this wedding.  The women nodded in sympathy, and told me flat out to refuse the couple.  There was no excuse for that level of disrespect.

Which made me stop.

Yeah, there are reasons.  And I don’t know them.  And it’s only disrespectful if I let it reflect on who I see myself as.

Am I some holier-than-them special high-muckity Grand Poobah?

No.

I’m human.  I hate mornings.  I growl at people until I’ve had my Diet Coke caffeine fix.  I run late sometimes, and sometimes I don’t live up to my own, or other people’s expectations.

So how can I sit on my big Judging-Otter chair (for you Laura) and pass sentence on people that I’ve never even met?

Well, I can’t.

So, tonight, when the prospective Groom called me, apologetic and wanting to try again for a meeting on Saturday, I told him it was alright, and I was still willing.

Because really, without compassion and forgiveness, how can I call myself a member of the clergy of any faith, and still look myself in the mirror?  My head would be too swollen with my own reflection to see anything, or anyone else.

At what point do Self-Esteem and Pride become harmful?  When you let it get in the way of life, and when it stops allowing you to be a useful and contributing member of society. 

In other words, Check Yourself – Before You Wreck Yourself.

Lesson learned.  Thanks.