Things I Wish I Could Say

* That mental illness is not a virus.  You can’t catch it from me, nor will it simply “clear up on its own.”

* That coming out of a depression cycle isn’t about choice. You can’t always “Choose Happy”. Sometimes, you just have to sit in that dark place until the sun comes out.

* That sometimes the medication works, and sometimes it doesn’t,  quite. Sometimes the anxiety is just too much, and it’s overwhelming.

* I’m not going to go “postal”, but if you see that I’m in a foul, irritable & touchy mood? Let it go & let me be.  I’ll get over it. But, if you poke the badger, don’t bitch when you get bit.

* No, I don’t have to explain anything to anyone. It’s my right, under the law, to keep it to myself. Stop being nosey. If I wanted you to know, I’d have pulled you aside & told you.

* Anxiety isn’t always obvious to detect. I go through every day wearing it like a jacket. A straitjacket.  But most people would never know.

* No, there is no sure-fire cure.  Some people get through it, to them it’s a phase of life, like puberty.  But not for everyone. Some of us will deal with this for life.

* Mental illness isn’t always about being medicated. Sometimes it’s about having someone who will listen, & will be there to walk with you through the dark places.

* It’s hard to maintain friendships when you’re in the dark places.  You don’t feel worthy, & you beat yourself up a lot about not being a better friend. 

* But, that’s when you need friends the most.

* Depression isn’t always about being a sobbing mess.  Sometimes, it’s just a cloud of gloom & dread that hangs over you, & follows you everywhere. 

* I can have good moments, happy moments – even days, & still have depression.  Sometimes, it’s the difference between just a handful of minutes.

* I will not get over anxiety just by someone telling me “Don’t worry about it. It’s not that big of a deal”.  Anxiety doesn’t care. It’s irrational worry

*Telling me to “Lighten up” just pisses me off. Stop it.

*Don’t put me on a suicide watch list. I got over that thought years ago, when my EldestChild was born.  But it was there, at one point.