I gave an interview a couple of days ago.
Scared shitless and shaking, anxiety riding me like a cowboy strapped to an 8-second bull.
But I did it.
One of the local TV stations had posted to Facebook on Monday that they were looking for people willing to share their stories about sexual harassment and sexual assault, all in light of Alyssa Milano’s viral Twitter #metoo, where women and men could come forward about their experiences.
I messaged them about my story that night, and didn’t think much more about it.
Tuesday morning rolled around, & I received a message back, from a reporter at the studio, wanting to know if I’d be willing to talk, on camera about my experience, to possibly help others.
Before I could psyche myself out of it, I said yes.
It was awkward, and uncomfortable, being in front of the camera, and talking about it brought my anxiety back full force, & I’ve been having major issues with it ever since.
Especially since my mom caught just the tail end of the interview on the news…and texted me, wondering what it was for…
When I told her why I’d done it, all she said was “Got ya,” and immediately changed the subject.
Because to this day, we still don’t discuss it.
Another reason for my anxiety to flare.
I hate how I looked on camera, as though I was almost ready to burst into tears… I wasn’t, it was just my nerves were so taut, I was strung so tight I was surprised I didn’t make snapping noises when I walked.
But I did it.
I finally spoke publicly about my assault.
And that counts for something.