I had a rough time last night.
Drank too much.
Cried – way too much.
Probably talked too much.
Spoke to an old friend, someone who was kind enough to take pity on drunk & crying me, who talked me down from my emotional ledge.
Something we discussed stuck with me.
He asked me what I was going to do today.
I replied “Recover”.
He asked what I meant by that, and I answered that when shit like this happens to me…I bounce.
And then I had to correct myself.
“Well, after all the shit I’ve been through, I guess I don’t really bounce anymore…I just bury it, and move on.”
He asked why I bury it, why I don’t just let it go?
“Because I bury the dead. And if I let it go, I don’t learn from it, and it happens again.”
Then I laughed at myself, and said it didn’t really matter what I did, because it always happens again, anyway.
Every time I open up and trust someone with my heart, I end up with a knife in it.
But, after thinking about it for a while, I did realize something.
I can’t let these things go. Because when I let go of the hurt, and the wrong done to me… That’s when I forgive them. And they get another chance.
That’s what happened with J.
And look what he did with his forgiveness.
I’m too trusting, too forgiving, too nice…and I find it impossible to hold a grudge. But when someone crosses a unforgivable line with me, I can cut them off like split ends and they cease to exist in my life.
Just ask my brother.
I won’t let it go.
I won’t forgive.
I will never forget.
And he will never be allowed another chance to hurt me, ever again.
This is why I bury the dead.