I don’t know when it really started, but I’ve realized lately that I’m a complete moron.
You see, if you’ve read my blog for any length of time, you know by now that “Brea” is not my real name, and my children aren’t really named ElderDaughter, YoungerDaughter and OnlySon… nor is my grandson named Little Buddha. These are all nicknames. Brea is my online name, and my pagan name, which helps to protect me, as well as my family, from recriminations coming from people who don’t understand my religion. My children’s privacy is very important to me, so I use the nicknames to guard them.
And yet, using these nicknames… I’ve poured out more of my life, personal and private, here, on this blog, than just about anywhere else. A little anonimity goes a long way, I guess, toward making me feel secure about spilling such personal details over the internet. Add in the fact that I’ve made so many dear, supportive friends here, and that just ups my comfort level.
But, as far as my facebook goes… where my given, real-life name resides…
There is very little of the personal, private information out there.
Why the discrepancy? Well, maybe it’s a little bit about the fact that my face and real name are so out there. Maybe it’s, in part, the fact that almost all of the people on my facebook are family, both genetic and chosen, so they know me face to face. They see me in real life, and it’s harder to be as open there, as vulnerable, as I am here, standing behind the wall of nicknames. Facebook is much more “reality invasive”, so it’s harder to let even some of those friends/family into the reality that lives behind my face. A lot of the things that I say here, never make it out into the open air in the real world, except to a very few chosen “inner circle” people that I know.
And this last weekend really drove home the privacy issue.
I’ve gone through stages on facebook of purging people who aren’t really my friends. I used to be one of the folks who “friended” everyone. I used to play the games, and scrounged for neighbors amongst strangers. I actually did make a friend or 2 out there, playing those games, and we are still friends to this day. Those people aren’t the issue.
The issue is the folks who do know me in real life… but who aren’t really friends or family. People who think that just because they know me out in the physical world, they need to be my “friend” on facebook.
I had someone try a guilt trip on me this weekend, shortly after ElderDaughter had Little Buddha in the hospital.
Let me preface this with the fact that – my facebook is set as “private”. No one gets to see anything unless they’re actually my “friend”. This is to protect my privacy, as well as the privacy of my family and other friends. I still have 2 minor children living in my home, and now I also have ED and Future-Son-In-Law staying with me, with Little Buddha. Privacy is a premium priority.
And yet, this person, just because she wanted to post something to my wall, got all upset because she was one of the folks that I “unfriended” quite a long time ago… and she had just noticed this fact when she couldn’t access my page.
She hadn’t noticed it when I unfriended her.
But now, she was irritated because she couldn’t do what she wanted on MY facebook page.
And proceeded to send me a “hurt” private message about “Was it something I said?”
And then, when I didn’t respond – (believe me, I had a few things to do over the weekend, and this wasn’t a priority), she confronted me at work.
Trying to guilt me into “re-friending” her, I’m sure. And when I didn’t respond in the manner she was hoping for, turning to give me searching looks everytime I pass her at the office.
So, I got pissed. I’ve posted on fb about possibly deleting my facebook page, to cancel out the problem. If there’s no facebook page, there isn’t anyplace for people to get pissy about how I run my own freaking page.
This is why I am an oxymoron.
My blog is where I pour my heart, my head – but I do it behind a nickname.
My facebook is all about the mirrors and the “public face”, and yet it carries my real name.
Ass-backwards. But true.