Thirty-One

End of the month.

End of the experiment.

Endings, endings all around.  And some new beginnings found.

Ok, so no rhyming.

I did enjoy doing these “Thoughtful Moments” this month – not enough to continue them on into next month, however!  I’m ready to switch things up again, and get back to the regularly scheduled programming.

I feel like I need to do some Flash Fiction soon…

And maybe some more in-depth movie autopsies…

But to end this in the manner in which it was begun, I have one last Thoughtful Moment to share for January, 2012.

Thoughtful Moment:  Being more aware of the world around me on a daily basis, brought up some unique insights.  Unique in the fact that they’re not really about what’s going on around me, but that they end up bringing me closer to understanding new things about myself.  Being aware of more than just what’s right in front of me has shown me how I react to the world more clearly.  That can be a real eye-opener.

In 2 more days, we’ll be hitting Imbolc again, the Pagan holiday of light and new beginnings.  It’s a time to start planning your goals for the year, and it’s a promise of warmth, sun, light and new life coming back into our lives.

I’ve been able to close some chapters of my life lately, finally laying things to rest that needed it.  And that feels great. 

I’ve been able to explore why I react to certain things the way I do – and sometimes it helps me change the behavior, sometimes it emphasizes it and gives me a reason to go even further with it. 

I am going to strive to be more mindful, everyday, even if I don’t post it here every day.  But I might have a “Thoughtful Moment” day, which goes down the list of things I learned, (or didn’t learn, as the case may be) on a weekly basis.  We’ll see.

All I know is that, even if this didn’t end up in the way I started it, it was a successful experiment, and I’m glad I did it. 

 

 

Twenty-nine

Thoughtful Moment: Being a grown-up is more than just how old you are.

I’ve been watching people lately.  How they behave, how they treat others.  And something I’ve noticed, is that sometimes, the people who claim the loudest to be “a grown-up”… are the most childish in how they treat people.

Real grown-ups don’t have to tell people that they’re adults.  Their actions speak for them.

Take for instance, my daughter’s future mother-in-law.  She proclaims loudly and often how grown up she is, and how she feels that EldestDaughter and her fiance are not.

And yet, she berates them both, with cruelty, about how they’re irresponsible, lazy, etc., ad nauseum. She screams when she doesn’t get them to do things her way. And still, she thinks that as long as she smiles and tosses them a polite word later, all will be forgiven and forgotten.

Another instance, when a parent neglects the needs of their children, even to not checking weather & road conditions, when their other parent, her ex, is trying to get them home safely.

Still another example, when supposed “adults” act in a petty, spiteful manner towards someone they work with, just so they can feel as though they have something to make them feel more powerful than the co-worker.

Adults, real adults, don’t accept this kind of behavior, nor do they perpetuate it. I know that it’s oh so tempting to stoop to the same, petty level. I know it’s hard to have to try to get beyond and above this.

But there are ways to get your point across, and still be a grown-up.

I’m looking for mine. I will not stoop to the same, childish level of behavior.

I will be an adult if it kills me.

Twenty-Eight

I know I’m cutting this post pretty fine.  7 minutes past midnight…

Thoughtful Moment: Courage can take many forms…while cowardice takes but one.

A friend of mine posted something on Facebook the other night, and I’ve been thinking about the permutations of her statement since then, and came up with the thoughtful moment for today.

There have been a lot of times this last week that have driven home the statement above.

Courage can be small, like trying something you haven’t had to eat before.
A turkey wrap with a spinach spread for me… I’m not a big fan of spinach, but decided to give it a whirl.  I’m still not a fan of spinach.

Courage can be something “mid-sized” like admitting to being wrong, and apologizing for it.  Not myself this week, but someone close, who had to apologize to someone else.

And of course, Courage can be something large, like doing something that you’re truly afraid of, like telling someone your feelings.  Or running in to a burning building to save lives.

Cowardice, on the other hand… takes only one form.

Running away from that which you know you should do, and letting fear rule your choices.

Be brave. You’ll like yourself better in the morning.

Twenty-Seven

27. 

For some reason, this number has always caught my eye.

Don’t ask, I have no idea why.

It just does.

Every month, for some reason, I find myself looking forward to the 27th.  Wondering what that day is – if it’s someone’s birthday, or anniversary, or a holiday…

And it almost never is.

Of course, YoungerDaughter’s birthday is on the 27th, but in July.

My anniversary with the ex was on the 27th of June.

The day we bought the house I have now was also on the 27th of June.

And those are the only real occasions I can think of that have anything to do with the 27th of anything.

But still, I just seem to be drawn, inexplicably, to that number.  It’s downright weird.

Yeah, 2 + 7= 9, and 9 is one of my lucky numbers, just as 7 is.  So?  Still doesn’t compute for me.

And yet, here I sit, today… wondering what’s so special about this day.  Today.  January 27th… there’s got to be something, right?

Thoughtful moment:  Sometimes I think I’m really living someone else’s life, just peering through the lens, like in “Being John Malkovich”.  This isn’t really me at the wheel, and I can step out of this if I can only wake up.  Then shit like this might make sense.

Or maybe I’m just completely cracked….. yeah, that could be it.

  Happy Friday, friends!

Twenty-Four

Thoughtful moment: What do you write about when you’ve got nothing?  Crossed out sentences, deleted lines, if this had to be put down on paper, there’d be tears, smudge marks, and random, small holes from erasing and re-writing too many times.  I think I need to get out of the house, away from all the mundane stuff and drama in my household, and see something different.  I need to do something “different”, just to get the muse a shot in the arm. 

I’ve got one week left on this experiment, and I’m about tapped out for thoughtfulness.  (Does that mean my brain’s fried?  Well, I knew that a long time ago)

I need to get outside my comfort zone again, I think, and do something that will shake me a little.  Rattle the ole brain-box, and make me look at things with fresh eyes. 

Aw, crap.  One of the women in my office wants me to go do karaoke again this week….. that’s probably my best bet for shaking me up, considering my stage-fright.  Well, guess who’ll most likely be appearing soon on a karaoke stage nearby? 

I get stuck in such a rut sometimes, I get used to a certain routine, work, home, sleep… and around again.  I do get time to spend with the guy I’m dating, and that’s a great break-away from routine.  He pulls me outside my comfort zone; he shows me that the rut is a rather boring place to be, and you don’t have to be in it all the time. 

But the thoughtfulness stuff he makes me think about… is NSFW or K. 

So I’ll stick with the mundane, the “normal” stuff. 

And if… when… I get back up on stage, I’ll let you know how it goes.

Twenty-two

Thoughtful Moment: I remember Waaay more than I thought I did about the births of my children.  Talking to my pregnant daughter about the births of each of them has been an eye-opener.

I have stories about each of my children’s births.  Stories that I’ve told and retold through the years.

But going through EldestDaughter’s pregnancy with her has triggered memories that I’d totally forgotten about.  Little things, things that, as a mom whose youngest is now 13, have faded into faint memory.

But these old memories are now proving to be treasured information that I can pass on to my daughter. 

She’s a “tell me the nitty gritty details” kind of gal.  Always has been.  And so, she asks questions, which triggers the memories, and we talk.

And I get all those great memories back.

That is a good thing.

Twenty-One

I know this comes late, but I’ve been thinking about my thoughtful moment all day, and decided that, even though I hadn’t processed it all the way through, I was still going to post it.

Thoughtful moment: You can’t be constantly afraid of what might go wrong, and truly enjoy what could be so very right.

I’ve been afraid of failure, in many forms, for a long time.  This is something that I know I have to work through, and that isn’t going to be solved, simply by speaking the words out loud.

Its one of the causes of my insomnia, my anxiety.  And I’m working on it.

Like a clenched fist, you have to teach the fingers how to loosen their grip, to relax, to let go of the fear.  It’s a painful process, but in the end, it’ll heal, and be better.