I don’t know when it really started, but I’ve realized lately that I’m a complete moron.
An Oxy-moron.
You see, if you’ve read my blog for any length of time, you know by now that “Brea” is not my real name, and my children aren’t really named ElderDaughter, YoungerDaughter and OnlySon… nor is my grandson named Little Buddha. These are all nicknames. Brea is my online name, and my pagan name, which helps to protect me, as well as my family, from recriminations coming from people who don’t understand my religion. My children’s privacy is very important to me, so I use the nicknames to guard them.
And yet, using these nicknames… I’ve poured out more of my life, personal and private, here, on this blog, than just about anywhere else. A little anonimity goes a long way, I guess, toward making me feel secure about spilling such personal details over the internet. Add in the fact that I’ve made so many dear, supportive friends here, and that just ups my comfort level.
But, as far as my facebook goes… where my given, real-life name resides…
There is very little of the personal, private information out there.
Why the discrepancy? Well, maybe it’s a little bit about the fact that my face and real name are so out there. Maybe it’s, in part, the fact that almost all of the people on my facebook are family, both genetic and chosen, so they know me face to face. They see me in real life, and it’s harder to be as open there, as vulnerable, as I am here, standing behind the wall of nicknames. Facebook is much more “reality invasive”, so it’s harder to let even some of those friends/family into the reality that lives behind my face. A lot of the things that I say here, never make it out into the open air in the real world, except to a very few chosen “inner circle” people that I know.
And this last weekend really drove home the privacy issue.
I’ve gone through stages on facebook of purging people who aren’t really my friends. I used to be one of the folks who “friended” everyone. I used to play the games, and scrounged for neighbors amongst strangers. I actually did make a friend or 2 out there, playing those games, and we are still friends to this day. Those people aren’t the issue.
The issue is the folks who do know me in real life… but who aren’t really friends or family. People who think that just because they know me out in the physical world, they need to be my “friend” on facebook.
I had someone try a guilt trip on me this weekend, shortly after ElderDaughter had Little Buddha in the hospital.
Let me preface this with the fact that – my facebook is set as “private”. No one gets to see anything unless they’re actually my “friend”. This is to protect my privacy, as well as the privacy of my family and other friends. I still have 2 minor children living in my home, and now I also have ED and Future-Son-In-Law staying with me, with Little Buddha. Privacy is a premium priority.
And yet, this person, just because she wanted to post something to my wall, got all upset because she was one of the folks that I “unfriended” quite a long time ago… and she had just noticed this fact when she couldn’t access my page.
She hadn’t noticed it when I unfriended her.
But now, she was irritated because she couldn’t do what she wanted on MY facebook page.
And proceeded to send me a “hurt” private message about “Was it something I said?”
And then, when I didn’t respond – (believe me, I had a few things to do over the weekend, and this wasn’t a priority), she confronted me at work.
Trying to guilt me into “re-friending” her, I’m sure. And when I didn’t respond in the manner she was hoping for, turning to give me searching looks everytime I pass her at the office.
really.
So, I got pissed. I’ve posted on fb about possibly deleting my facebook page, to cancel out the problem. If there’s no facebook page, there isn’t anyplace for people to get pissy about how I run my own freaking page.
This is why I am an oxymoron.
My blog is where I pour my heart, my head – but I do it behind a nickname.
My facebook is all about the mirrors and the “public face”, and yet it carries my real name.
Ass-backwards. But true.
Brea's Air 
I’ve tell everyone right up front: 40 people maximum on my FB page. It’s like a private club. Just because I know you, doesn’t mean I like you and want you up in my business.
Exactly. I have a few more than 40, more like about 100 – but at least a good portion of them is actual family. I do like fb for letting me keep in touch with family that I never get to see due to geographical distance.
Honey, you ain’t the only one. I’m pretty much the same … I’ve shared much more in my blog than on FB.
People are idiots. I had one woman, who knew my real name only because I’d done her a favor and made a rosary for her, who tried to friend me. I politely refused explaining that I only friended family and close friends. She got pissy and said that she did the same but “thanks for nothing” … really? She had over 300 “friends”. At the time I think I had 39. Even today I only have 42 … more than half of those are family and people I have known for years.
My daughter deleted her FB page because she had several twits stirring up too much drama … she’s seen first hand the problems with friending everyone she’s ever run across.
Smack coworker for me and tell her to get over herself. 😉
Why do people get so pissy about being unfriended? If someone happens to unfriend me, I shrug and move on. Obviously, we’re not in the same circles, so what’s the big deal? Not only that, this person hadn’t been among the “friends” for MONTHS (close to a year)… if we were such “good friends” wouldn’t you think she’d have noticed?
Hmm… methinks thusly.
You should point that out to her if she persists. Then again she probably wouldn’t
get the point.
And while I don;t know what goes on in someone elses head, I suspect that the pissiness comes from a deep insecurity and tying their own self worth to how other people view them. Thinking that someone defriending them must mean that this someone thinks they are a bad person.
I see this type at work frequently …. they take everything personally (really? how could a work relationship be “personal”?) and they almost universally don’t want to deal with me because (according to one of this types boss) “you tell them no”. It’s hysterically funny to me that someone wants to avoid me because they aren’t competent enough to provide the end user (my group) with something that works.
I don’t get upset if someone tells me that what I want to do is problematic for some reason. As long as they have a reason. We just talk and figure out how to make the mess work for both of us.
Then again, you and I are adults, not overgrown adolescents. 🙄
Ex-actly. *bows to your astuteness*
I love you and very blessed to know you and the kids and to be considered a close friend. I share a lot with you as you do with me. The only one else I do that with at work is 2nd oh great one. Just remember I will always have ashovel ready at a moments notice 😉
Tamala – I may be needing that shovel… 😉
Thanks, my friend!