I swear, someone needs to patent the shit that comes out of my brain.
And by someone, I mean me, of course.
Because then I’d be a gazillionaire.
I went to see my rheumatologist today about my hands.
I’ve had osteoarthritis for a couple of years, now, and have seen a couple of specialists. Last year, I got shots in not only my thumbs, but also in a couple of fingers. (The ones you don’t want to randomly show off to people, because they might get offended if you don’t explain, first, why you’re flipping them off)
Needless to say, the shots don’t last forever; osteoarthritis is a degenerative disease that causes the cartilage between the bones to decay, allowing the bones to rub on each other. Causing pain, sometimes lots and lots of pain, and some swelling. Although, with my osteo, the swelling isn’t so bad, the aching & pain is.
Most days, my hands feel as though they’re just meat bags full of busted glass.
And over the last couple of months, I’ve developed a problem with my grip, especially in the mornings.
Osteo sucks. It really, really does.
ON TO THE BRILLIANCE!
I went to the Dr., and he gave me a shot in each thumb again. ….and it hurts. As the afternoon wore on, it hurt worse, aching all the way up to my elbow by the time I got home, driving me to tears.
BUT, I came up with a BRILLIANT, SCIENTIFIC answer to the problem!
Ok, so my first idea…if they can make fake boobs – just make them smaller, & put them in where the cartilage is supposed to go…isn’t so brilliant. I can just imagine – the implants get put in, and a short while later – – POP! yeah… Not going to work.
BUT! My piece de resistance…
Everything is being 3-d printed these days, so why not cartilage replacements?!?
They can 3-d print a whole hand! All I need is the little cartilage bits between the joints! C’mon! Waaay less work for the printer, right?!?
They can make prosthetics with a 3-d printer, but not cartilage??? What’s wrong with this picture??
They can 3-d print Nano-fucking-particles! And yet they’re not curing arthritis?!?
I’ve cured arthritis, here, folks.
Where’s my damn Nobel Peace Prize??